


Homebound [BETA]

by klonoafan5



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cherubswitch, Hemospectrum Shift, Homestuck Kidswap, Multi, Time Shenanigans, repost, slow plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-01-27 10:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 21,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12579712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klonoafan5/pseuds/klonoafan5
Summary: Four similar yet very different kids play a familiar game.





	1. ACT 1: The Path the Wind Makes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie. All associated works of music for said webcomic in the story belongs to the respected people who made it. Same goes for all the other stuff I will reference later on too.
> 
> Also, special thanks to raccoonLauncher for helping me edit this chapter!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

A young boy stands in his bedroom. Conveniently, today is April 13th, 2017, which just so happens to be his birthday. And 6 hours and 12 minutes from the exact anniversary of when this lad opened his eyes for the first time, he will be granted a name.

>Enter name.

BUCKTOOTHED BUGSY

No! Try again.

JAKE ENGLISH

Nope, not quite. You’re almost there.

JAKE EGBERT

There you go!

Your name is JAKE and it is your BIRTHDAY. A few CAKES have been lying here in your room, but you don’t really mind having them around. Despite this, you wish your Dad could make other things. Like Grandma Jade! Admittedly, you’re a bit of a sucker for ROMANCE MOVIES, especially the wonderful classic teen movie SAY ANYTHING. You also have a slight fondness for VIDEO GAMES THAT ARE FILLED WITH SECRETS WITHIN THEIR CODE. 

What will you do now?

>Jake: Reminiscence about your beloved grandmother.

Ah, Grandma Jade. How could you forget anyone like her?

She always knew what to say or do whenever you felt down in the dumps. If you didn’t know any better, she was practically the mother you’ve always wanted, but never had.

Despite her physical appearance, she wasn’t just an elderly lady. Oh no. She never let her age stop her from traveling all over the world and going to all sorts of places. She even gave you a few of her items that are currently inside your LUCKY CHEST.

Too bad she never got to see you grow up into the fine young man you are now.

No! You promised yourself that you wouldn’t be sad about her passing! You should stay positive and celebrate the huge impact she’d made on your life, gosh DANG IT!

It’s what she would’ve wanted, after all.

>Jake: Examine card on dresser.

You look over to see a card lying on top of your drawer. Beside it is a rolled up poster. Judging by the cake smell coming from the card, you use your cunning detective skills to deduce that your father was the one who gave you this surprise gift.

Now, if only you had something to hang it up with....

>Jake: Look for a hammer and nails.

You search around every nook and cranny, because a hammer and nails are definitely something you keep around. Are they in your drawer? No. Are they on your desk? No. Oh, maybe they’re in your closet!

....Wait.

Why would they be in there? You only use it for your clothing.

Hm...They must be around here somewhere...You kneel near your bed and slowly stick your hand underneath.

Ah! There they are! 

Dadadadada...Dun dun dun! You got your hammer and nails!

Now you can finally put up your poster!

You CAPTCHALOGUE the two items at your disposal and put them away into your SYLLADEX. With that in mind, you then combine the hammer in correspondence to the nails, combining the two cards into one, leaving you with only three cards left.

>Jake: Take poster.

You put your additional birthday present in your sylladex. You then select the hammer and nails with your poster, placing it right next to the Earthbound poster you got from Roxy the other day as an early birthday gift via mail. She even made it herself!

You examine the newest addition to your wall.

Aw sweet! He got you a poster of Homestuck!

>Jake: Examine your sweet new loot.

Man, you wish that John Egbert and his friends were real. That way you could have twice as much fun than what you normally have.

Then again, the idea of having two versions of your friends, yourself included, would be a bit confusing. You can’t handle that many shenanigans at once.

>Jake: Equip your arms.

You already have arms!

>No, your fire arms!

Oh, you mean this bad girl? It’s your grandma’s trusty rifle, passed down from her grandfather to her which was eventually passed down to you.

>Jake: Allocate your grandma’s rifle.

You allocate the rifle into your strife specibus, giving you the ability to wield riflekind.

>Jake: Do a pose.

Because STUFF JUST GOT REAL.

>Try to add your hammer into your strife deck as well.

You also try to allocate your hammer into your specibus, giving you the ability to also wield hammerkind. You proceed to add the new specibus into your strife deck. You may never know when you might need it. 

>Jake: Examine Midday Crew poster.

Ah, Sleuth Spades. He will always be a part of your heart. Every time you see some candy corn, you’ll think of him. What you wouldn’t give to meet him. But after all, he’s only a fictional character… Right?


	2. Chapter 2

>Jake: Look at the calendar.

You decide to take your time to examine your calendar. Along with marking the date of your birthday, you’ve added the supposed release date for the SBURB BETA. It has been three days since then and you still haven’t got it.

Averting your attention from the wall, you went back to check on your Pesterlog app to see if any of your friends were online.

— unwaveringUnderdog [uu] began cheering chipperPrankster [CP]. —

uu: HELLO THERE JAKE.  
uu: I SuPPOSE THAT SINCE IT’S CuSTOM FOR FRIENDS TO DO THIS, I WILL DO IT AS WELL. WITH MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES, I WISH TO YOu TO HAVE THE HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY POSSIBLE.  
CP: gee..  
uu: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? DID I SAY TOO MuCH?  
CP: no, it’s just....it’s just so beautiful.  
uu: ARE YOu...CRYING?  
CP: n-no! i just got...sand in my eyes. yeah...that’s it. *sniff*  
uu: SuuuuuuuuuuuRE YOu ARE.  
CP: he..hehe..  
CP: am i that easy to read?  
uu: PLEASE. YOu’RE LIKE THE EASIEST BOOK TO READ. BuT ONLY WHEN YOu WANT TO BE.  
uu: AND I ADMIRE YOu BECAuSE OF THAT.  
CP: awww! i wish i could be able to see you right now! that way i could give you a big hug! you know what? i should make that my birthday wish. for you to be with us! y’know, with me, Roxy, Jane, and Dirk! it would be so much fun! :D  
uu: .....  
CP: umm cal? are you there?  
CP: caliborn!  
uu: HuH? O-O  
CP: are you...alright? you’ve been acting all funny. did i say something wrong?  
uu: NO. IT’S NOT YOu.  
CP: ......is this about your sister again?  
uu: NO!  
CP: heh. who’s the easy one to read now?  
uu: ....  
CP: c’mon cal. you can tell me. just take your time and breathe.  
uu: MY SISTER AND I ARE GOING TO PLAYING A GAME SOON. A GAME THAT YOu AND THE OTHERS WILL SOON PLAY AS WELL. AND AS MuCH AS IT PAINS ME TO SAY....MY TIME IS GOING TO END ONCE WE STEP INSIDE.  
uu: I’M SORRY FOR TRYING TO KEEP THIS A SECRET FROM YOu AND THE OTHERS. IT’S NOT FAIR. ESPECIALLY HOW NICE YOu ALL HAVE BEEN TREATING ME. I...NEVER HAD THAT EXPERIENCE. TO ACTuALLY *BE* WITH PEOPLE.  
uu: AND NOW I’LL NEVER WILL.  
CP: WAIT ONE BLOODY MOMENT!  
uu: HuH?  
CP: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU’RE JUST GOING TO GIVE UP AND LET HER DO THAT TO YOU?!  
CP: THE CALIBORN THAT I KNOW WOULD NEVER GIVE UP. EVER. EVEN AT THE FACE OF DANGER, YOU WERE ALWAYS THE ONE TO SAY NO AND LAUGH AT ITS FACE!  
CP: EVERYTHING THAT JERKFACE CALLIOPE EVER SAID TO YOU IS ALL JUST A BUNCH OF TRASH!  
CP: AND AS ONE OF YOUR MAIN FRIENDS, I’M PRETTY DANG WELL SURE THAT IF JANE AND ROXY AND DIRK WERE HERE, THEY WOULD SAY THE SAME THING.  
CP: SO SNAP OUT OF IT, GO OUT THERE, AND WIN THAT GAME!  
uu: ....YOu’RE RIGHT. I SHOuLDN’T BE SO MELODRAMATIC. THAT ISN’T LIKE ME AT ALL.  
uu: THANK YOu JAKE. YOuR NATuRAL BORN LEADING SKILLS HAS SAVED ME FROM MY OWN STuPID NEGATIVITY.  
CP: let’s just say a little cat taught me.  
uu: SEE YOu LATER, YOu DORK.

unwaveringUnderdog [uu] ceased cheering chipperPrankster [CP].

Huh, it’s kinda funny how you ended up cheering up your own friend in the end. Then again, that’s how it usually goes anyways. Speaking of cats, here comes the cat lover herself.

selflessArtist [SA] began pestering chipperPrankster [CP].

SA: sup jake?  
SA: got any presents yet?  
CP: *gasp* did you just say...presents?!  
SA: crap. i ruined the surprise, didn’t i?  
CP: it was a surprise? you didn’t say it was a surprise! i’ll just pretend not to remember what you said so you can start over.  
SA: it’s okay, jake. dirk would’ve probably told you about them through subtle hints. I appreciate the thought though. :)  
SA: they’re downstairs. you can’t miss them. ;)  
CP: thanks. be right back!

CP is now a idle chum.

>Jake: Get ready for any sudden surprises.

It’s quiet in this house. Too quiet.

Pop culture references aside, your dad has been busy working at the local bakery. Apparently, business has boomed this year, which is why he isn’t here right now.

I guess you can say you’re.... _Home Alone_.

Okay enough puns. Time to get some presents.

You hurry downstairs only to see not one, but two! The two packages color-coded from both of your friends.

Swiftly, you grab them without captchaloguing them into your sylladex and lad scamper your way up those stairs in excitement. As if it was cue, your walkie talkie has started to work. Ever since you guys were little, you’ve always had these to communicate to each other. ....Besides your laptops and your phones, of course.

When your friends are about million miles away from each other, you tend to use any form of communication you can get. Except for smoke signals and Morse code. You’ll need a signal light for that.

strider to egbert, come in egbert.  
have you obtained the packed devices? over.  
egbert to strider, the presents have been received. I repeat, the presents have been received.  
great! now pry those babies open! over.  
roger, cap. opening received presents now. over.

>Jake: Open those presents!

You gently pick up the first present from the bed, which just so happened to be Roxy’s. You open the red package slowly only for your smile to grow wider than it ever did before. You got a PlayStation 4 and better yet...You’ve got Undertale. Heck yes. A single tear of solitude streaks down your face. It’s so majestic and beautiful.

CP is now a active chum!

SA: so whatya think?  
CP: you are the bestest friend I have ever had.  
CP: you have my honest and dear gratitude.  
SA: aw! gratitude aspected.  
SA: *accepted  
SA: sorry about that. stupid autocorrect...  
CP: that’s okay. we all face the demon that is autocorrecting.  
SA: say, aren’t you going to open the other presents too?  
CP: nope. i’m going to open them later. gotta keep the element of surprise going! ...if you don’t mind, of course.  
SA: eh it’s fine. and i’m pretty sure the others would be fine with it too. anyways....have you heard from caliborn? he’s been weird lately.  
CP: yeah, i just had a conversation with him a minute ago. he wished me good luck on my birthday, but then he started acting strange once i told him my wish was for him to be with us. you know, like a family. besides the whole being related thing.  
SA: what did he tell you?  
CP: he told me that he was going to be playing a game with his sister. a game that we’re going to play too! he also told me that he wasn’t going to make it.  
SA: :(  
CP: of course, I didn’t believe that was going to happen and gave him some encouragement to cheer him up. and it worked! i think! all that matters is that he’s going to be okay! :)  
SA: but what about the game? coming from his words, it sounds like they’re going to play sburb.  
CP: hmm...you’re right. it can’t be just a coincidence. and if that’s the case...  
SA: then we should get ready.  
CP: *nods in agreement*  
SA: okay. I’m going to ask Dirk about what to do next.  
CP: alright. godspeed captain strider.  
SA: you too, private egbert.  
CP: oh, and Roxy?  
SA: yeah?  
CP: thanks for the presents.  
SA: you’re welcome. :)

You stop reading the rest of her sentence when you hear a honk coming out from outside. Curious, you walk up to the window only to see the mail truck already left. Shaking slightly, you take out your walkie-talkie and press on the button.

hey Roxy?  
yeah?  
i think i just got myself a new present.


	3. Chapter 3

>Be Jake.

You never stopped being Jake.

>Jake: Look out window. 

You see the view of your front yard from your window. 

Hanging from the tree outside is your faithful SWING. In your opinion, a kid without a swing is like Indiana Jones with his signature fedora. It would never be the same.

And beside your driveway is the mailbox.

The very same mailbox that obtains the game that you’ve been waiting for days only to get it within minutes before you were even aware of it coming. 

>Go outside and get that game! 

You could barely hold your excitement as you were about to head out and get the game. But before you even get out of your room, yet another honk reaches your ears. You look back at the window in shock to see your DAD’s car pull into the driveway. 

It looks that he finally closed the bakery for the day. And now he’s going to get the mail. 

>Jake: Go downstairs and get it.

Nah, as much as you know your dad, it would take hours for you to get it. You rather wait for the dust to settle first. 

>Jake: Contemplate on yourself. Particularly about your feelings towards your friends.

N-No, you don’t want to do that. It’s a bit personal and you don’t want your conflicting emotions interfere with your current relationships. That would be horrible.

>Ponder on the fact that you’re a homosexual.

No! Your door doesn’t swing that way! 

At least you don’t think it does.

>Jake: Explain.

Where should you begin? 

You had a bit of a crush on Jane, but you decided to go against that. She’s like a sister to you and nothing else. When it comes to Roxy and Dirk however, it’s a bit different. Every time you think about Roxy, your cheeks turn red. And Dirk’s jokes always made you laugh.

>Jake: Register the fact that you’re bi.

That.. _actually makes sense._

Your life as you know it has completely changed.

Whether it’s for better or for worse is up to you. 

>Jake: Examine contents of lucky chest. 

In here you have a collection of things that every AWESOME HERO and/or HUMBLE EXPLORER needs!

You are neither one of them, but they’re still very handy.

Deep within your lucky chest is a TWO (2) FAKE ARMS, SOME (~) SMOKE PELLETS, A COPY (1) OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, ONE (1) MAGIC 8 BALL, A PACK OF TAROT CARDS, ONE (1) FEDORA AND EXPLORER’S JACKET and perhaps one of your favorite books of all time, THE HERO’S JOURNEY.

>Read COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY.

You do your best to lift the book out of your chest. Whew! As heavy as this book is, you should store it away for later. 

Luckily, your Fetch Modus captchalogued it for you. Along with that, you captchalogue your smoke pellets into your sylladex, putting it up top of the book. 

You now have one more captchalogue card left.

>Jake: Captchalogue fedora. 

You also captchalogue your fedora, filling up your sylladex. 

>Jake: Wear fedora to fool your dad.

Jake? Who is this ‘Jake’ you speak of? You are very certain that there never was such a person and will never be...

Yeah, you’re not fooling anyone. It’s not a clever disguise, but it’s the only thing you have.

While you’re currently wearing the item, the card is temporarily removed from the stack, freeing the others beneath it. 

>Jake: Exit room.

You go out into the HALLWAY, past the many clown pictures you see as you slowly descend down the stairs.

>Go downstairs.

The sweet, delicate amora wafers from the KITCHEN and into your nose. Could it be your accursed arch nemesis BETTY CROCKER working behind the scenes?

Wait..

You know that smell. This flavorful scent isn’t under the hands of evil. But rather...

Grandma’s?

This mission is going to be more complex than you thought it would be.


	4. Chapter 4

>Jake: Examine harlequins.

Okay. You honestly understand that your DAD is a huge clown fanatic, but why does he have these?

You then decide to change the subject before you end up ranting about it.

>Jake: Fondly regard cremations.

Looking up, you examine the SACRED URN which carried your dearly beloved GRANDMA’s ASHES.

Every time your dad looks up at her bright, smiling face with such a wistful look in his, you can’t help but imagine the heartbreaking memories slowly coming in. A ladder. A bookshelf. A unabridged copy of COLONEL SASSACRE....

He doesn’t like to talk about it.

>Jake: Topple urn.

You accidentally mishandled the urn, causing it to fall, releasing your grandma’s ashes.

Great, just great. You better clean this up before Dad finds out.

With a careful scoop from your hands, you scoop up the ashes and place the urn back up.

There. Now no one will be the wiser.

>Jake: Open the present behind you.

You turn around to see a large present standing behind you. How long have this been standing here?

Curious to know the sender, you looked at the tag.

CHAMP. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO ONCE YOU SET YOUR MIND TO IT. DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

You open the present only to see a smiling stuffed harlequin with two big stuffed arms attached to it.

Huh. That doesn’t look that bad to be honest. You accept the gift.

The wrapping on the other hand...

It’ll be good fuel for the flames.

After that, you carefully place the harlequin onto the couch next to yet another cake.

>Jake: Try to find your Dad.

You walk over to the corner in between the KITCHEN and the STUDY. Which way should you go first.

>Go to the study.

Sure. You don’t see why not.

Hmm...It doesn’t look like he’s here. Oh well. Might as well explore the place.

>Jake: Examine your father’s desk.

You walk over to his desk, where you see a DECK of PLAYING CARDS, one of your Dad’s many PIPES, the April issue of THE SERIOUS JESTER magazine, a stray CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, and a CAN OF PEANUTS.

Hah! As if you’re going to fall for THAT.

Having a peanut allergy isn’t really something to laugh at, but you try your best.

>John: Examine captchalogue card.

Wow, you never expect this to be here. You successfully add the card into your sylladex, causing your two items to move back by one space, leaving you with one more card to eventually be filled. Score!

>Jake: Play a soothing piano piece.

You gently place your hands into the keys and play a [familiar tune.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=75kJb_aAvKY)

>Jake: Exit the study.

You do just that. What now?

>Jake: Enter the kitchen.

There’s no other option. You switch from riflekind to hammerkind in preparation. You’re going in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music: Moonsetter (from Homestuck Vol. 9) belongs to Toby Fox.


	5. Chapter 5

You enter the kitchen to see your Dad was busy baking one of your grandma’s recipes. No wonder it smelled so good in here.

You look over to see the copy of Sburb placed on the table past the oven. You just gotta get over there without him noticing you’re here.

But before you even take the first step, he swiftly turns around and stops to see you past your flimsy disguise. You unequip it, hoping that you can find a good way to go through.

But it’s no use. He’s already got his hands on that cake and is blocking you from getting your delivery.

As he lights up the birthday candles, there’s only one word that pops into your mind.

>[STRIFE!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbMG7T_IxnY)

With the hammer in your hands, you charge towards him. With a swift move, he blocks your attack using his cake. He takes the next move.

He hands the cake to you, but you abjure the offering by backing away.

You try to counterattack once again only to end up getting blocked.

You’re in a complete utter standstill.

>Jake, try to retrieve the package and go to your room.

You can’t ABSCOND! Your Dad’s blocking your path. The right thing to do is to create a distraction.

Great, now he’s taking out a PIE. You better think about something quick before-

Never mind. You just got pied in the face. Looks like he might enjoy having that many points in his PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT. As always.

>Jake: Captchalogue pie tin.

You take the PIE TIN, sending the items one card back.

>Jake: Take the cake.

“When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one who knows how to yield.” - Oscar Wilde.

Wise words from a wise man.

You take the CAKE, which sends the SMOKE PELLETS to fly out into the wall and then...!

....Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So much for that. Luckily, Dad’s busy with the pellets. Now’s your chance to lad scamper the heck out of here.

>Jake: Abscond.

In a swift motion, you quickly grab the game. And your Dad’s PDA. Who knows when this would be handy? And when you’re done, you’ll be sure to give it back.

You’re a ‘forgive and forget’ kind of guy when it comes to these things.

You then exit the kitchen with your head up high.

>Jake: Take other cake.

You captchalogue the other cake, sending your fedora out onto the couch in its place.

>Jake: Combine the two cakes.

You try your best to combine the two cakes together to make a double decker cake. ...Only to get the phone, game, and pie tin stuck inside it.

Crap, what are you doing to do now?!

>Jake: Head upstairs!

You lad scamper your way back up and down the hall. You’re need something to dissect this monstrosity of a delicious disaster. Luckily you know the place.

The bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music: Showtime (Famitracker - 8bit ver.) belongs to InstantTrain.


	6. Chapter 6

You go inside. At the window in this angle, you can fully see the somewhat medium sized space which is called the BACKYARD. In the midst of it, you can see your equally treasured SLIDE and SPRING MOUNTED POGO-HORSE. You even named him Charlie!

On the SINK beside you is your Dad’s RAZOR KNIFE. On the rack to the side is a CLEAN, FRESH TOWEL.

>Begin Procedure.

You take the razor, use it to cut open the cake, and then use the towel to wipe the frosting away from the other items.

You then retrieve the SBURB COPIES, PDA, and PIE TIN, sending the manhandled cake into the toilet. Gosh you wish that you had another fetch modus system besides this one.

>Jake: Go to your room.

You go back to your room, looking at the stuff hanging on the walls before you. Particularly at the corner you call the “GAME WALL”, a special place to cherish the video games you so deeply love.

>Jake: Check Pesterchum.

selflessArtist [SA] began pestering chipperPrankster [CP]. 

SA: you got the game?  
CP: i went down many roads, faced tough adversities and various forms of humiliation, and dug deeper than I’ve dug before.  
CP: but in the end it was all worth it.  
SA: whoa, did you seriously did all that stuff just to get the game? you know your house isn’t that immerse. :/  
CP: i may have over exaggerate a bit...  
SA: a bit?  
CP: ok maybe a lot. but to answer your question, yes. i have it.  
CP: how did things go with Dirk?  
SA: pretty great. he gave me the plan and told me to send it to you.  
CP: great! what is it?  
SA: CP > GE > SA > TC.  
CP: so let me get this straight.  
CP: i’m going to serve Jane, she’s going to serve you, and you’re going to serve Dirk.  
SA: exactly! it’s not completely fool-proof, so it might change if something goes wrong.  
CP: alright then! i’m going to install my copy now.  
SA: great, i’ll download it! see ya!

selflessArtist [SA] ceased pestering chipperPrankster [CP].

You insert the server copy and install it into your computer.

As soon as you do, a text box by the name of SBURB Cilent pops up on your screen.

Huh. It looks like you’ll have to wait until Roxy gets connected.

>Jake: Go to closet.

You go back to your closet to see your many clothes and your shelf of HANDY COMPUTER PROGRAMING GUIDES.

>Jake: Read Data Structures book.  
  
Ah, Data Structure for Blockheads. It even has a free fetch modus in the back.

>Jake: Get the modus.

You turn over to the back page where you see the free QUEUE MODUS inside a plastic pocket.

Unlike the ‘First In, Last Out’ system of the STACK, it has a ‘First In, First Out’ method instead, which is even more complicated than the last.

>Jake: Apply Fetch Modus to Sylladex.

Items that were previously captchalogued into your SYLLADEX are not immediately accessible now. You can only use your item on the bottom card, and have to wait until the items on the upper cards get pushed back to it.

For example, the top item (in this case, it’s the PDA) is currently inaccessible for the time being. So the only item you can use is the RAZOR since it’s on the bottom.

Welp. You did want to get a upgrade. Or should you say downgrade. You might as well give it a chance until you can find a better one.

>Jake: Switch back to Stack Modus.

You’re not really sure how. You didn’t really see a card for it when you applied this modus into your sylladex.

>Put the razor down.

Put it...down?

You don’t fully understand.

>Pick up two items.

You captchalogue one of the CAKES.

You then walk over to your bed and captchalogued the other on your bed, only for the razor to launch off from your sylladex and hit the Persona 5 poster.

Huh. You never saw that coming.

>Jake: Get more stuff.

You open up your lucky chest and captchalogued THE HERO’S JOURNEY.

In response, the FRESH TOWEL gently drifts over you until it lands on your head.

>Jake: Might as well captchalogue your magic 8-ball too.

You captchalogue the 8-ball only to freeze when you hear a loud crash as the PDA flies through the window, sending glass all over the floor.

Gosh dang it.

>Jake: Don’t forget about your other presents. Try to open the purple one next.

You examine the purple package. It’s from Dirk.

You try to open it with your bare hands, only for your plans to be foiled by packing tape. You should get the razor first.

>Jake: Get razor.

You get the razor from out of the wall and captchalogued it, only to get caked in the face.

>Jake: Get the package.

You immediately duck once you captchalogue the package. When you look back, you see the platter of cake all over the game logo.

Let’s take this from the top, starting with these glass shards.

You then began to regret this decision when you have to duck yet again as the cake, book, and your magic 8-ball expel into the window.

Now that your sylladex is partially filled with glass, you mentally make a note to not grab anything else for the time being.

Speaking of grabbing, you better get those stuff soon.

>Jake: Use the razor to open the package.

You take the razor and use it to- ohmygoditmoved. Is there something in this present that’s...alive?

You slowly and carefully slowly reach for the moving package with the razor in your hand only to stop to see it continuing to move and shake until it stopped.

Suddenly, a gray hand sticks out from the package. Then another. Soon, a gray bunny head pops out like a jack in the box, much to your surprise.

You pause when the bunny just keeps staring at you with its green shades. And you keep staring back.

For some reason, you feel connected to this robotic animal. Almost as if he was a lifelong friend.

Feeling the need to help the little guy out, you slowly and carefully take off the rest of the package.

There. Good as new. Now...what to name him?

Ah! How about Cal?

You look for a response. He can hardly contain his excitement.

Alright then. By the power vested in you and no one else, you officially dub him the name Cal, named after one of your many friends.

>Jake: Check status on Sburb Beta.

Aw cool! Roxy’s finally connected!

selflessArtist [SA] began pestering with chipperPrankster [CP].

SA: i’m back!  
SA: sorry that it took too long. i had to find it on the web.  
CP: that’s okay! guess what Dirk gave me?  
SA: a drummer set?  
CP: nope! he gave me a little robot bunny chap!  
SA: really?  
CP: yep! his name is Cal, short for Caliborn!  
SA: you named him after cal? that’s pretty sweet!  
CP: yeah. it really is.  
CP: anywho, got the game set up?  
SA: yep! ready when you are!  
CP: okay!

Let’s get started.

>Jake: Press ENTER.

You press enter, which causes the screen to change to nothing but a green symbol surrounded by white with the loading bar underneath it.

Soon enough, the symbol starts to move as the background changes to a bright blue sky. The symbol then quickly changes to all sorts of colors and sizes alongside with the background while the game continues to load.

All you have to do now is wait.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

>Roxy: Select chest.

With mouse in hand, you select the lucky chest and zoom out to the balcony of the house before placing it down.

CP: what was that?!  
SA: sorry! just trying to get the hang of these controls.  
CP: wait, was that my chest?  
SA: yeah.  
CP: :( is it on the roof?  
SA: nope. balcony.

>Jake: Get the card.

You find your long lost STACK FETCH MODUS and quickly reapply it to your sylladex.

You never felt so happy to see this again. You toggle with the two FETCH MODI in joy.

You then look out the window to see your Dad’s car slowly getting out of the driveway.

It looks like he’s getting some more baking supplies. You’re relieved that you have the house to yourself again, even if it’s only for a few moments.

Luckily, you can be at ease that your dad doesn’t notice your lucky chest hanging out on the balcony. Or any of the other stuff that was thrown out of the window, for that matter.

CP: hey roxy?  
SA: yeah? what is it?  
CP: do you mind if you could try to pick up the stuff that fell from my window and bring it back?  
SA: sure! i’ll give it a try.  
CP: thanks.

You try to go over and pick up Jake’s stuff, only to stop once you see that section of the area turn red.

SA: shoot. i can’t reach it. it looks like I can’t go too far from you.  
CP: oh.

>Roxy: Select Jake.

You can’t select the player!

Jake abjures the meddling cursor.

>Roxy: Look for Cal.

So that’s Cal. He’s so cute!

CP: i see you’ve noticed.  
SA: you’re right, he is adorable!  
CP: i think he’s taking that as a compliment.  
SA: how can you tell?  
CP: well he’s sitting on the bed with his face in one of my pillows.  
CP: i think he’s embarrassed.  
SA: aw! well tell him that he deserves it.  
CP: will do!

>Roxy: Explore the house.

Using the game’s controls, you then decide to start deploying items, starting with the living room.

>Roxy: Open Phernalia Registry.

You select one of the icons on the menu, which prompts the registry to open.  
You then click on the image of the cruxtruder and place it into the middle of the room.

Next, you go back to Jake’s room, revise it by adding some more space, and safely deploy the totem lathe to the corner.

And last but not least, you then zoom out once again and gently place the alchemiter onto the balcony.

There. Now you’re all set.

SA: okay i got everything deployed.  
SA: you ready?  
CP: ready.  
CP: but i should get my stuff first before we start.  
CP: i’m pretty sure you're able to retrieve them now.  
SA: alright. be back in a sec!

>Jake: Stand in the corner.

You stand at the corner and wait for Roxy. Soon, the cursor comes back and gently places your stuff on the floor.

You smile with joy.

>Jake: Get PDA.

You grab the PDA, switching over to the STACK MODUS so it can be easily accessible.

>Jake: Install Pesterchum.

There you go. Now you can chat with your friends anywhere you want!

CP: hey. i just wanted to say thanks for getting my stuff.  
CP: this is me by the way. i’m just using my dad’s pda.  
CP: hey that rhymes!  
CP: watch out roxy. there might be a new challenger in your mitts.  
SA: a new challenger, huh?  
SA: this might be very interesting. :)  
CP: oh no.  
SA: my name is roxy strider/ i’m here, i’m staying  
no chump around here is going to stop me from slaying  
this is not your game here/ so why the heck are you playing  
you better stop here with the mess that you’re making  
CP: ok i give!  
CP: you are the true rhyming champ!  
SA: why thank you, my dear sir :)  
CP: anyways i’ma gonna look around.  
CP: get to know where everything is.  
SA: alright then I’ll go snoop around your house  
SA: i never got to actually see the place like I do now  
CP: welp if you wanna go do it roxy  
CP: then go for it :)  
SA: thanks jake  
CP: you’re welcome roxs.


	8. Chapter 8

>Jake: Check out the balcony.

You go out into the balcony to see your lucky chest and alchemiter side to side, along with your telescope.

>Jake: Look inside the telescope.

It’s a bright sunny day. No clouds in sight. No weird stuff to report. At least, not outside the boundaries of your home, of course.

All of a sudden, you hear a loud crack coming from inside your house.

Curious to see what was going on, you decided to investigate.

You enter the bathroom, only to come face to face with a giant hole with a leaking pipe coming out of it where your toilet once stood.

CP: roxy? what happened to the toilet?  
SA: well...i tried to take the cake out of the toilet only for it to break off of the floor. sorry.  
SA: i think i can fix it though.  
SA: how about you go ahead and see the cruxtrader?  
CP: sure. at least i got a easier way out. but that doesn’t mean i’m not grumpy about it!  
SA: sure jake sure :)

>Jake: Hop down the hole.

You safely jump down, landing on the washing machine before jumping onto the ground.

Beside you was a SLEDGEHAMMER and a extra CAPTCHALOGUE CARD.

>Jake: Get jackhammer and card.

You pick up the SLEDGEHAMMER and CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, combine them together, and apply the new specibus into your STRIFE PORTFOLIO.

You’re getting the hang of this.

After that, you go over to the living room, where you see the big hunk of metal right next to the couch.

>Jake: Examine wheel on cruxtrader.

You try to turn the wheel, only for the lid to lift up a little bit before going back down.

This thing is immensely stubborn.

Fed up with it, you decided to take decisive action.

You took your Dad’s kitchen stool and stood up on top of it. You then summon your sledgehammer, its weight weighing down on yours as you struggled to lift it.

SA: need some help?

>Roxy: Help Jake.

You touch the sledgehammer with the cursor and help your friend out by guiding his swing to hit the lid.

A flash of light bursts from the collision, causing everything to turn white.

Once the light fades, you stop to see a timer starting to change along with a flashing ball of light beside you.

>Jake: Open the lid.

You have attained one (1) CRUXITE DOWEL.

>Jake: Get cruxite.

SA: okay. the timer has already started. you better hurry!  
SA: jake? can you hear me?  
SA: oh wait you don’t have your pda now, do you?  
SA: well, in that case, i should give you this.

>Roxy: Deploy pre punched card.

You place the punched card down.

>Jake: Get card.

A SHARD OF GLASS expels out from the deck and maims the HARLEQUIN.

>Jake: Captchalogue fanciful harlequins.

The two dead weights pushes your PDA to its last card. You then switch to the QUEUE MODUS so you can access it.

Sharp, clear danger strikes from out of the deck.

CP: ugh why do kernelsprites always have to speak this way?  
SA: idk it’s just their thing, I guess.  
SA: hmm i think it wants the harlequin.  
CP: really?  
SA: yeah, the walkthrough does talk about this system thing called prototyping  
SA: and you have to do it twice. whatever that means.  
CP: does it say anything else?  
SA: no, all of them stop right here.  
SA: well that was a waste of our time  
SA: i’m going to write a better one. but before that we better prototype this guy first.

>Roxy: Drop maimed harlequin into the Kernelsprite.

You take the bruised toy and drag it over the sprite. A bright light comes out of nowhere once the two items touch.

When the light clears, you and Jake pause to see a flashing harlequin head with one floating arm.

CP: i think i can understand it!  
SA: really?  
CP: nope. now it sounds even more like bunch of barely functioning clown horns honking all at once.  
SA: well, it is only tier one.  
SA: according to the walkthrough, you have one more tier to go before you and him can break the language barrier.  
CP: alright. i’m going upstairs.

>Jake: Insert the pre-punched card into the totem lathe.

You slip the PRE-PUNCHED CARD inside a slot on the machine. Above, the ARM TOOL goes through a various set of chisels.

Now you need something to put inside it.

>Jake: Put the dowel inside.

You put the cruxite dowel inside. You watch as the machine takes it and holds it steady while the tool carves it into a TOTEM.

With the stack modus, you take it.

Now let’s go back to the alchemiter.

>Jake: Go outside.

As you go back to the balcony, you stop to notice your dad is back from shopping. He seems to be aware of what’s going on, but he just simply goes back to baking.

What a great man.

Once you exit out into the balcony with the KERNELSPRITE by your side, you then take the telescope out of the tripod.

Whatever is up there, it doesn’t look good. Your friend doesn’t look too happy about it either.

You look through the scope to see a light in the sky. And it’s heading straight into your direction.

Luckily your dad and Cal are inside the house, unlike you, who just so happens where the danger is.

Fortunately for you, you know the way out.

>Jake: Enter.

You place the cruxite towel onto the alchemiter, causing a chain reaction to deploy the machine connected to it.

The laser goes through the towel as it reads its structure to create three cruxite items. A net, a jar with holes on its lid, and a butterfly.

You watch as the butterfly flutters away. The meteor edged closer.

You grab the net and leaped for the flying insect. With a one swoop, you successfully capture it and put it in the jar, where’s safe and sound.

A proud smile grew on your face only for it to fade as quickly as it came.

You feel kinda bad for the delicate bug. After all, it only wanted to be free. And you just took that from it.

Your heart grew heavy while the looming pressure coming from above weighs it even further.

Without any hesitation, you take the jar and open the lid, freeing the winged captive.

You look up, seeing the butterfly fly away into the sky. As the meteor comes closer and closer, a bright light starts to engulf everything around you.

Until you can see nothing else.


	9. Chapter 9

Meanwhile, in the distant future, a SOULFUL WANDERER is exploring the desert. In the midst of the endless sand, he stops to see two split pieces. Oddly enough, it looks shaped like a cat. Feeling immersively curious, the clothed exile slowly enters into one side.

Once inside, he sees a panel with two images of the same cat. One fully restored, the other cracked but still mended. Beside it is a picture of an atom surrounded by a circular symbol with a fully loaded red bar underneath it.

Underneath the two pictures is a switch pointing to the picture on the right. A idea sparks within his mind as he took out a key and insert it into the switch.

All of a sudden, the two pieces came out of the sand and reformed itself, bringing back to its original state.


	10. ACT 2: Meteor Shower

A calm girl sits in her seat in the wide and vast desert that is her room. Or should I say, apartment. Thankfully, the space around her has been refreshingly cooled, thanks to the power of fans.

What is this cool cat’s name?

ROXY LALONDE

Nope, not quite! You’re almost there though.

ROXY STRIDER

Heck yes.

Your name, as it was previously mentioned, is none other than ROXY and you just saved one of four best friends from getting turned into Fried la Egbert. Being the SELFLESS PERSON THAT YOU ARE, that tends to happen a lot. Amongst the SLIGHTLY ORGANIZED state of your bedroom, you have a ASSORTMENT of VARIOUS INTERESTS including A LIST OF FANTASY BOOKS WRITTEN BY YOU FROM AGE 5 TO NOW, A SEMIOFFICIAL ART KIT, and YOUR CAT FRIGGLISH! You also like to play VIDEO GAMES and practice some CODING from time to time. 

What will you do?

>Roxy: Examine bookpile.

Oh, this pile has all of the homemade books you were just talking about. It’s supposed to be a series about two young boys who finds themselves being soulfully connected to a trapped sorcerer that eventually leads to them saving the world. 

Compared to your SISTER's award-winning book, Complacency of the Learned, it's a current work in progress. 

>Roxy: Go get a drink.

A drink? What perhaps do you mean by ‘drink’?

All that you and your sister got for drinks is water, tea, and some juice here and there.

>No, I mean a drink.

You mean that icky stuff that grownups have? No thanks.

Anyways, there’s no time for drinks. You have a job to do, and that is to get the heck out of here.

Hopefully your faithful girl Jane was able to get the messages you sent her about the game on time.

You should go check just to make sure.

>Roxy: Open up Pesterchum.

You go to your laptop, which has your browser of choice, Echidna, as well as your typed walkthrough on Sburb in your Gamefags account. You weren’t kidding when you said you were going to do it.

With that in mind, you then open up the app, only to see a unfamiliar username appear on the chat.

‘philanthropicalEmpathist’. Huh. You never heard this one before, but you can’t wait to find out.

selflessArtist [SA] began pestering philanthropicalEmpathist [PE]. 

SA: hey there!  
PE: ....  
SA: um hello? is there anyone there?  
PE: !  
PE: Oh My Apologies. I Just Saw Your Username And Froze  
PE: It’s Just A Honor To Meet You  
SA: aw shucks. it’s a honor to meet you too!  
SA: now, not to sound insensitive, but who are you? how do you do know me?  
PE: Oh I Almost Forgot To Introduce Myself  
PE: *ahem*  
PE: My Name Is Kanaya Maryam But My Friends Call Me Kanaya  
PE: But Before I Answer Your Other Question Allow Me Ask You One Too  
PE: Have You Ever Heard Of A Game Called Sgrub  
SA: by sgrub you mean sburb?  
PE: Yes  
SA: yeah, that’s the game me and my friends are playing right now. well, sort of.  
PE: Well How Would You React If I Told You That Me And My Companions Played In A Session Similar To Yours But Not Entirely Therefore Creating You And All Of Your Friends And The Entire Planet That You’re Currently Living In As Well  
SA: ....  
PE: Are You Alright  
PE: Did I Say A Bit Too Much  
SA: no, no, no! it’s okay. it’s just a lot to take in.  
SA: okay. you and your friends played a game called sgrub, right?  
PE: Right  
SA: which in turn created our universe.  
PE: Precisely  
SA: so did you beat it?  
PE: Well I Wouldn’t Call It A Total Victory  
PE: More Like A Close Call With It  
PE: You See Back In Our Planet Alternia  
PE: The Game You Now Call Sburb Didn’t Exist Yet  
PE: It Was Previously A Code That Was Converted Into One By One Of My Closest Friends That Was Distributed To The Rest Of Us  
PE: Long Story Short We Did Everything We Had To Do According To The Walkthrough That You Made  
SA: walkthrough? you mean the one that I just started working on?  
PE: The Very Same  
PE: Except It Was Way Back Into The Past  
PE: But In Your Case The Future  
SA: oh no is this one of those time shenanigans again?  
PE: ?  
SA: oh sorry. it’s like this weird time loophole thing..  
PE: You Mean Like A Mobeius Loop  
SA: exactly!  
SA: wow you’re pretty smart kanaya!  
PE: Well I Have Been Looking More Information About Humans In The Past  
SA: really?  
PE: Yes Ever Since I Was Two Point Thirty One Sweeps  
SA: ?  
PE: That’s Five In Human Years  
SA: what?!?  
SA: that’s-that’s amazing!  
SA: i mean, when I was five my sister taught me how to use switch blades, but still!  
PE: It Isn’t Really That Big Of A Achievement Back In Our Planet  
PE: It Was The Only Source Of A Refuge I Had From All The Pressure  
PE: That And Those Overly Cheesy Romance Rainbow Drinker Novels  
SA: um what’s a rainbow drinker  
SA: is that some kind of vampire  
PE: Sort Of  
PE: But That’s Another Story  
PE: I’ll Try My Best To Explain It To You Whenever We Finally Get The Chance To Meet In Person  
SA: okay!  
PE: Well I Better Go I Didn’t Mean To Interrupt Your Previous Actions  
SA: don’t worry about it! it’s fine.  
SA: oh shoot  
PE: What Is It  
SA: i almost forgot to introduce myself too!  
SA: my name is roxy strider. it’s been nice talking to you  
PE: Likewise  
SA: welp see you later  
PE: See You

selflessArtist [SA] ceased pestering philanthropicalEmpathist [PE].

Well, that was nice. Now time to go see Jane.


	11. Chapter 11

selflessArtist [SA] began pestering gutsyExplorer [GE] .

SA: hey  
GE: hey  
GE: i kinda figured that you were going to text me sooner or later.  
GE: well by figured, i mean a troll texted me. :/  
SA: was it kanaya?  
GE: no, gamzee. even though he did mention having two friends named kanaya and karkat earlier who made this plan to contact us in the first place. so i should probably assume they’re the same person??  
GE: anyways...i’ve got your messages if that’s what you’re asking  
SA: yeah, that’s exactly it!  
SA: you’re like some kind of all powerful psychic  
GE: well I wouldn’t say that powerful...  
SA: master jane teach me the secret to your knowledge  
GE: not yet young grasshopper  
GE: for you see, time is of the essence  
GE: it will take you months until you reach my level  
GE: but be wary for the weight of such information is not a easy task to bear  
SA: i’m willing to do whatever it takes  
GE: *giggle* very well  
GE: boop!  
SA: hehe you got me there  
GE: anyways...are you ready for this  
SA: ready

>Roxy: Change from server to cilent.

You go over to the cilent Sburb app and press enter. Soon, the game starts.

>Jane: Deploy.

You place the Cruxtrader right in the middle of the apartment. Then you place the Totem Lathe nearby. Unfortunately you place it in front of the front door.

GE: oops  
GE: sorry about that  
SA: it’s okay  
SA: i got another way out remember?  
GE: oh nevermind then :B  
GE: crisis averted!

After that, you zoom out and deploy the Alchemiter on the roof.

GE: okay we’re all set!  
SA: there’s only one problem though  
SA: how am i going to open this?  
GE: hmm...  
GE: i got an idea!  
GE: wait right there  
GE: and don’t move until i give you the signal  
SA: jane  
SA: what are you  
GE: now!

>Roxy: Think fast! 

You immediately move out the way once you hear a loud crash followed by your toilet clashing into the lid, releasing the piece of cruxite and the kernelsprite.

SA: wow this is ironic  
GE: what is  
SA: oh nothing it’s just a inside joke involving with toilets  
GE: oh i guess your ceiling is a bit more  
o o)  
o o)>r[]-[]  
r[]-[])  
HOLY  
SA: omg

Okay, the clock is ticking. Let’s get your dowel and-

Huh? Where did your stuff go?

>Roxy: Investigate.

Look like it’s up to Sherlock Strider and her cat Frigglish to figure out this mystery.

>Roxy: Examine footsteps.

Hm...By the look of these footsteps, it seems that someone has been here. Someone fast. Like Sonic fast.

Or better yet...like Sister fast.

>Follow the trail.

C’mon Frigglish, we’ve got ourselves a sibling to catch.

But all of the sudden, a crow bursts into the room. Ack! You almost forgot that you’ve left your window door open!

Without any thought, you struck the bird with your switch knife.

GE: roxy!  
SA: sorry I panicked

>Jane: Retrieve the impaled crow.

You take the sadly departed bird and put it into the kernel.

The KERNELSPRITE has prototyped with the CROW.

SA: sorry about that  
GE: it’s okay  
GE: mistakes happen

>Roxy: Ascend to the roof.

You ascend to the top of the roof, where you see that your entire neighborhood just stepped into some major post apocalypse vibes.

You then looked around your surroundings to see your card and dowel was already in the lathe.

>Roxy: Activate the lathe.

You now have the DOWEL (2+1+4+1+1). With your HASH MAP MODUS, you place the dowel into card nine.

>Roxy: Place the dowel onto the alchemiter.

You were about to until you look up in stark shock to see tons of meteors flying across the sky.

And one of them is heading your way.

You tried to move, only to find yourself unable to. You shut your eyes, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

All of a sudden, you froze to see your sister fly out on her jetboard with nothing except her and her needles. A spark of energy emitted from them as she blew up the meteor.

Another meteor huddled towards you, only to watch as Frigglish jumped out from your shoulder and into the sprite.

With a threatening glare, he opened up his mouth, letting out a ray of energy to blast the meteor into smithereens.

>Roxy: Enter.

Filled with determination, you then ran over to the alchemiter and placed the tower onto the platform.

The laser coming from the machine scanned the metal, creating a seemingly generic cube. You looked at the object in confusion until an idea suddenly hits you.

Trying your best to focus, you took the object by the hands, slowly changing its shape.

You wipe your brow until you were done. A clay cat was in your hands as you look up to see your older sibling looking back at you.

A proud smile grew on her face before she looked straight ahead at the meteors and charging back to the fray.

You smile back, knowing that she’ll be alright until your vision went completely white.


	12. Chapter 12

You are now Jake Egbert and you have no idea where you are. But you do know that your house is surprisingly standing on a tower of your own ground.

You look back up at the kernel. It divides into two and go their separate ways, leaving the sprite portion behind. What is left goes through a amazing transformation.

>Heir, can you hear me?

Yes. But his name is Jake. Not Heir.

>Jake, do you have your rectangular device with you?

By rectangular device, you mean the pda? Why yes, yes you do.

>Okay. Now check on the colorful texts.

You open up the pesterchum app.

>Talk to your friend unit.

chipperPrankster [CP] began pestering gustyExplorer [GE].

CP: jane?  
CP: jane are you there?  
GE: jake? is that you?  
CP: yeah it's me. sorry about making you guys worry.  
GE: it's okay. as long as you're okay, we're okay. :)  
CP: speaking of being okay, are you? are the meteors coming soon?  
GE: no. not yet. but you should worry about dirk more than me.  
CP: no...i can't just leave you alone.  
GE: don't worry about it! i'll be fine. just  
FTC: Stop right there.  
CP: wha-Dirk? is that you? what are you doing in jane’s house?  
FTC: Calm down Jake. To answer your first question, yes and no. Yes I'm Dirk, but i'm not your Dirk. I came from a alternate future. To put it simply, a alternate timeline. One where Jane over here failed to escape the meteor, thus sending you, me, and everyone else into a doomed session.  
GE: failed to escape? does that mean...  
FTC: Yes. But that will not happen as long as you’ll accept Jake to be your server.  
CP: but what about you? what are you going to do?  
FTC: I’m going to make things happen.

future technicalComposer [FTC] left the chat.

>Ask her if she wants you to be your server.

CP: so...do you want me to be your server?  
GE: ....  
GE: yes.

>Atta boy, Jake. Insert the server copy.

You take the server copy and insert it into your laptop.

>Now wait.

After that, you sit there and watch the Sburb logo shift and change while the game slowly begins to load.

>You have done a tremendous job, Jake. I’ll let you handle it from here.

Thank you, sir...um.....Who are you?


	13. Chapter 13

Years in the future, but not many, a command pad welcomes the lone dersite as the base reboots itself.

Suddenly, the top right panels automatically activates to reveal a young boy standing on his balcony with a oddly colored jester by his side.

He looks down on the keys and makes his first move.

>Heir, can you hear me?


	14. Chapter 14

While you’re still waiting for the game to load, you suddenly stop to see someone else was on the app. Someone by the name of ‘crabbyMediator’.

crabbyMediator [CM] began trolling chipperPrankster [CP].

CM: ALRIGHT. BEFORE YOU GO AHEAD AND START SPEWING OUT A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS AT ME, I’LL JUST SAVE MY BREATH AND ANSWER THEM FOR YOU.  
CM: YES, I’M A TROLL. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I LIVE UNDERNEATH A ARCH-SHAPED STRUCTURE LIKE SOME KIND OF INHUMANE CAVE-DWELLER. I LIVE IN A HIVE. EVEN THOUGH CURRENTLY WE LIVE IN A METEOR, BUT THAT’S ANOTHER STORY I’LL TELL YOU LATER.  
CM: NOW THAT WE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY, I SHOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF.  
CM: MY NAME IS KARKAT. AND YOURS IS JAKE. THE REASON WHY I KNOW THAT IS BECAUSE I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU. ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS HUGE WASTE OF SPACE BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO TO PASS THE TIME.  
CP: huh. that sounds....  
CM: HORRIFYING? CREEPY? DOWNRIGHT CRAZY?  
CP: no, it sounds....interesting.  
CM: REALLY? AFTER EVERYTHING I JUST SAID, ABOUT LIVING IN A GIANT ROCK WITH NOTHING ELSE TO DO EXCEPT TALK TO EACH OTHER AND WATCH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS’ ENTIRE LIVES UNFOLD IN FRONT OF OUR VERY EYES DOESN’T MAKE YOUR THINK PAN FEEL JUST A LITTLE BIT DISTURBED?  
CP: nope! i’m already accustomed to weird stuff. or maybe I’m just a bit nerdy like that. either way, it’s very nice to meet you, Karkat.  
CM: SAME HERE. I JUST DIDN’T EXCEPT FOR YOU TO BE SO...ACCEPTING ABOUT ALL THIS.  
CP: huh? what’s so wrong about that?  
CM: I WASN’T SAYING IT WAS WRONG, JUST....WEIRD. N-NOT THAT YOU ARE WEIRD.  
CP: um...are you okay? you seem a bit nervous.  
CM: WHAT? NO. I’M NOT NERVOUS. HOW CAN YOU TELL WHETHER I’M NERVOUS OR NOT? YOU’RE NOT A LOWBLOOD.  
CP: i can tell by the way you’re typing.  
CM: WHA? T-THAT DOESN’T MATTER RIGHT NOW! WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?  
CP: i just wanted to ask you a question, that’s all.  
CM: *sigh* LET’S START OVER.  
CM: WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY THAT NORMAL HUMANS SUCH AS YOURSELF WOULD’VE BEEN IN COMPLETE DENIAL OR AT THE VERY LEAST BLOCK ME IF THEY HEARD SUCH NONSENSE COMING FROM MY CHITINOUS WINDPIPE.  
CM: BUT YOU DIDN’T.  
CP: yeah, that’s what everyone always notice about me. often at times, people think that I’m too nice and easy to please, but i don’t listen to those guys. because I know that it’s just a part of who I am. i know that sounds weird but....  
CM: NO, THAT DOESN’T SOUND WEIRD AT ALL. THAT’S JUST YOU BEING YOU. AND IF THOSE A-HOLES DOESN’T SEE THAT, THEN SCREW THEM FOR ALL I CARE.  
CP: wow....you sound a bit passionate there, karkat.  
CM: WHAT? NO. I WASN’T *TRYING* TO BE PASSIONATE. JUST GIVING YOU SOME ADVICE FOR THE FUTURE.  
CP: sure, karkat, sure.  
CM: OH, BY THE WAY, YOU BETTER GO CHECK ON YOUR MOIRAIL. SHE’S PROBABLY WAITING FOR YOU TO DO YOUR JOB.  
CM: LATER, YOU WEIRD FREAK OF NATURE.

crabbyMediator [CM] ceased trolling chipperPrankster [CP].

Huh. That wasn’t too bad at all. You’re still a bit perplexed on how he knew you were going to check on Jane, but at this rate, you’ll probably find out later whenever Karkat contacts you.

But now’s not the time for time shenanigans here. Let’s go see how’s Jane doing.


	15. Chapter 15

A young boy is busy working on a new song. Or at least he was, until he stops to see you. Well, he can’t really see you, but he noticed your presence.

DIRK LALONDE

Nice. Got it right on the first try.

Your name, as it was previously stated numerous times, is DIRK. And despite the EXTRA EXQUISITE AND DOWNRIGHT DEPRESSING HALLWAYS, your room,along with your dad’s, is the MOST COLORFUL PART OF THE WHOLE MANSION. With the RAINBOW DASH FANART THAT YOU’VE MADE, the MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE POSTERS, and don’t forget about the KINGDOM HEARTS FIGURINES, your entire room is a huge freakin mess. Despite the slight clash of CHAOTIC YET SOMEHOW ORGANIZED STATE OF LIVING, it’s also a HUGE METAPHOR for YOUR LIFE AND OVERALL PERSONALITY IN GENERAL.

You may seem a BIT COLD AND UNFEELING LIKE A ROBOT, but on the inside YOU’RE A SELF SACRIFICING (AND SOMEWHAT AWKWARD) NERD WHO DEEPLY LOVES HIS FRIENDS.

It’s like what you always say, ’Never judge a guy’s house by its outward appearance. ‘Cause they might be wrong.’

Amongst the SMORGASBORD OF A ROOM, you have a TURNTABLES FOR ALL YOUR SICK BEATS, A BOX OF SPARE ROBOT PARTS UNDERNEATH YOUR DESK, and A PILE OF SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF MERCHANDISE IN YOUR CLOSET.

>Waitwaitwait, hold up. You said that Sweet Bro And Hella Jeff got merchandise? Please, tell me you’re not kidding.

Yeah. You said it right. They got merchandise. Ever since your Dad was little, his webcomic eventually became so popular, everyone wanted a piece of the action. They even got a movie. One that your Dad loves to watch all the FREAKIN TIME.

>Hey Dirk, can we see what’s underneath that sheet?

What sheet? You never had anything underneath there. It’s nothing important. At least not to you.

>Oh come on, let me see.

No means no. This is private, so back off unless you get a beat down from your kick butt sword.

This is your present for Jake that you had been planning for months to do. You put your blood, sweat, and tears into making this.

You put your sword back to your strife specibus when you then stop to see your laptop giving you the signal that someone in your Pesterlog account is contacting you.

Might as well go see who it is.


	16. Chapter 16

SA: sup dirk? how’s the weather going for ya?  
TC: It’s okay. How’s yours?  
SA: ugh, don’t remind me. it’s like living a sweltering desert.  
SA: oh yeah i almost forgot to tell you. me and Jake are planning to play Sburb together and thought maybe you and Jane would want to join.  
TC: Sure. Just let me check my schedule.  
TC: ...Nope. Got nothing. Hold on for a moment.  
SA: ....  
TC: K. Here’s the plan. It’s not 100% guaranteed fool-proof, but it’s okay.  
TC: CP > SA > GE > TC. Send that to Jake.  
SA: oh thank you thank you dirk you’re a lifesaver!  
TC: Livesaver? If you use me, you would probably drown.  
SA: dirk!  
TC: What? It’s true, isn’t it?  
SA: ):(  
TC: Okay okay. I’ll stop.  
SA: that’s better! now keep your head up! see you later, dirk!  
TC: See ya.

So....what will you do now?

>Dirk: Send the package.

Might as well. You already finished making your gift. All you have to do now is deliver it.

>Dirk: Exit your room.

You leave your BEDROOM, but not before peeking out to see if your DAD’s still around. 

Alright, the coast is clear.

>Dirk: Go out into the hallway.

You silently go out to the hallway and reach to the stairs. You could practically hear Hella Jeff’s voice echoing in your mind. 

>Dirk: Carefully go down the stairs. 

You slowly and carefully descend downstairs. You then thank God that your dad is very good at keeping things simple.

He does have a weird craving for apple juice though.

>Dirk: Put on your coat. Time to go outside.

After you’ve put on your raincoat, you slowly reach out for the door and...

He’s right behind you, isn’t he?

>Dirk: Turn around.

You turn around to see your Dad standing right there, as you expected. You get ready for a strife, only to pause when you felt something on top of your head. 

You then look up to see a red rainhat. You stood there while he gently ruffles your hair. Satisfied, he goes back doing whatever he doing.

>Dirk: Go outside.

You step out from the warm and comfort of your home and into the cold and dampness of a typical rainy day. 

After that, you go over and put the package into the mail.

Godspeed, lil guy. Have a safe flight.

With your mission accomplished, you go back inside and into your room.

>Dirk: Install.

You sit back on your seat and insert your copy of the beta. While you’re waiting, you suddenly stop to see someone was still online in Pesterchum. And it’s...yourself?

PTC: Okay, before you say anything, let me ask just a few questions.  
FTC: Shoot.  
PTC: One. How are you here? Two. Why are you here? And three, Have you check it in with the others?  
FTC: One. Time traveled. Two. To save everyone from getting screwed. And three, yes I have. Jake’s in LOWAR and I just recently left Jane’s house.  
PTC: Wait, how did you know Jake was there?  
FTC: Went over to his planet on the way here.  
FTC: Anyways, back at the main task at hand. Jake is going to be Jane’s server, and since he and Roxy are already in the medium, that leaves me and you.  
PTC: Alright. Bonus question. How are we going to do this? Where are you anyways?  
FTC: I’m at the roof.  
PTC: Seriously?  
FTC: I’m dead serious.  
PTC: Okay. Let’s do it.


	17. Chapter 17

>Jake & Dirk: Get started.

First, Jake takes the cruxtrader and place it into Jane’s room. After that, he goes down to the Garden Atrium and deploys both the totem lathe and the alchemiter.

Back at Dirk’s house, his future self deploys the cruxtrader at the living room, the totem lathe in his room, and the alchemiter up on the roof.

Jake then picks up the Cookalizer and drags it over top the lid.

Dirk heads downstairs to see his other self do the same except with his dad’s box of Sweet Bro & Hell Jeff DVDs.

The two servers both drop their items onto the machines, releasing their respective cruxite dowels and sprites.

Dirk puts his dowel into his fetch modus as he takes his jacket on and heads back to the stairs while Jane descends down the stairs to the garden room.

Knowing what to do, he then goes back to his room, takes his My Little Pony poster, and throws at the sprite.

Meanwhile, at Jane’s room, Jake takes one of her figurines and aims to prototype it with the kernelsprite. Suddenly, he stops in his tracks to see Bec come out of nowhere and jump in.

Back at Dirk’s house, he takes the totem and ascends up to the roof. There he meets himself who gives him all of his captchalogue cards and jumps into the sprite as well.

Then the two transformed guardians fly out to fend against the meteors that are coming over at the horizon.

With that in mind, the two kids go over to their alchemiters and place their totems onto the machines. Two cruxite artifacts magically appear before them. A muddy orb for Jane and a egg for Dirk. Jane takes out a cloth while Dirk takes off his coat and wraps it around the egg.

He sits there and waits. She sits there and cleans.

Soon, his patience pays off when he pauses to see the egg starting to crack. Meanwhile, Jane smiles as she looks at the orb in her hands, shining brightly for the world to see.

They both stop to see their houses change into light and disappear, right in time for the meteors to crash.


	18. Chapter 18

In the middle of the Incipisphere, outside Skaia, there was a bright, shiny moon floating without a care in the world.

On top of one part of the moon chained to the other were two towers.

Let’s go see what’s inside the left one, shall we?

>Dream Roxy: Wake up.

Huh? Wha? Where are you anyways? This place....looks like your room?

And what’s with these crazy writings in the wall?

>Roxy: Try to remember.

You lie down on your bed in order to figure this whole thing out. The first thing you remember is playing Sburb with Jake, bringing him into the medium, escaping the meteor and...!

Oh SHOOT YOU LEFT YOUR SISTER BACK AT EARTH! You hope that she’s alright. Along with everyone else too.

For now, you need to check on Jake.

You take your dream laptop and plop it on the bed before turning it on.

Alright. Time to get to work.

selflessArtist [SA] began pestering chipperPrankster [CP].

SA: jake?  
SA: jake are you there?  
CP: yeah. i’m here.  
SA: oh thank goodness you’re alright!  
SA: ...you are alright right?  
CP: i’m okay. i kinda tuned out a bit due to some person sending me messages in my head.  
SA: huh. I believe that is what you call a coincidence.  
CP: hmm...you might be on the money there, roxs.  
CP: how are you holding up?  
SA: eh i’m in some sort of floating purple dream place.  
CP: oh so you’re in derse then? that’s pretty cool!  
SA: huh? can you speak in English please?  
CP: oh sorry. allow me to explain. you see, here in the medium, you have these two planets where players (that’s us) go to whenever we fall asleep.  
CP: there’s the bright yellow planet called prospit and on the other hand, you have the somewhat bright purple planet called derse, where you are now.  
CP: in a normal session, the first one to wake up would be the space player.  
CP: and in this case, it’s you. then again, it could be just a bunch of speculation. it kinda takes the fun of the adventure though. :/  
SA: wow. two bombshells in one day. how do you know all that stuff?  
CP: oh roxy...roxy...roxy...  
SA: (oh no)  
CP: you don’t know how _long_ i’ve have been wanting for this to happen.   
CP: let me tell you about homestuck. :)

All of a sudden, you stop to see a imp wearing clown clothes come through the window and was slowly walking towards Cal. The robotic rabbit slowly backed away until he reached a corner.

>Jake, protect your mechanical companion.

He shook in fear as the imp grabbed hold of him.

But before it could do anything, it quickly turned only to get shot in the head.

Once the first hit was made, it quickly dissipated into various loot.

>Reap those spoils.

You take the items, which bumped you right up two ACHIEVEMENT RUNGS on your ECHELADDER. Now you’ve gone from GREENHORN to SHARPSHOOTER. You even got a fancy new feather to prove it.

The system awards you with 125 BOONDOLLARS which you immediately put into your PIGGY BANK.

It has also increased your GEL VISCOSITY and GRIST LIMIT.

By expanding it, you now have 36 fragments of BUILD GRIST and 10 fragments of SHALE.

>Wait. Look at the door.

You stop celebrating your victory to check on the door. It’s slightly open, almost as if someone or something decided to keep it open.

You decided to investigate by moving it, only to stop once a bucket of water splashes on top of your head.

You could practically feel your Prankster’s Gambit depleting by the minute.

Ha ha ha ha!

Wait....you know that laugh.

You swiftly turn around to see a ghostly woman wearing a jester hat and a scar around her right eye.

A smile grew on her face.

???: It’s so good to see you, Jake.  
JAKE: Grandma?


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

JAKE: grandma? is that you?

GRANDMASPRITE: of course it’s me. who else would it be?

JAKE: i should’ve known it was you. only a wise and highly skilled prankster could pull such a well thought out trick without anyone noticing it.

GRANDMASPRITE: aw! thanks!

JAKE: you’re welcome! say, have you seen Dad around?

GRANDMASPRITE: no jake. i’m afraid he’s been captured. i’m sorry. 

JAKE: it’s okay. 

JAKE: i’m pretty sure me and the others can find him. 

JAKE: anyways...can you explain what i have to do?

GRANDMASPRITE: of course!

GRANDMASPRITE: above The Medium, beyond The Seven Gates, lying within The Incipisphere is a place called Skaia. 

GRANDMASPRITE: legends say that there’s a powerful ancient object hidden within the surface. but that’s another story. needless to say, Skaia always has a war between two equally matched forces. the Prospitians and the Dersites. Both with their own separate agendas and goals.

GRANDMASPRITE: sadly, the war never ends in the light’s favor, leaving them completely powerless under the darkness’ shade. well, that is until one Hero steps in. 

GRANDMASPRITE: and that Hero is you, Jake!

JAKE: m-me?

GRANDMASPRITE: yes you! before that clown bumped into my ashes, your previous prototyping was created due to the kernel’s hatching and separation into two.

GRANDMASPRITE: one ascended to the kingdom of light, the other descended to the kingdom of darkness where it comes to rest on a Orb lying on top of a Spire. same goes to your friends as well.

GRANDMASPRITE: once they’re situated, that’s when the war begins.

JAKE: no offense, grandma, but how could i affect a war that’s inevitable from the start?

GRANDMASPRITE: why, that’s for you to find out. after all, it is a part of your quest as The Ultimate Riddle!

GRANDMASPRITE: your first objective is to reach The First Gate in order to proceed to Skaia. to do that, all you have to do is build.

JAKE: alright! then let’s get started!

GRANDMASPRITE: that’s the spirit, jake! but first, i’m going to the kitchen. those cookies can’t make themselves!

JAKE: are they Betty Crocker brand?

GRANDMASPRITE: oh dear. do you still believe that she’s evil? i can reassure you that she’s isn’t. meulin is a very nice women.

JAKE: who’s meulin?

GRANDMASPRITE: oh dear. you see, meulin is my adopted mother, which makes her your great grandmother. 

JAKE: what was she like?

GRANDMASPRITE: she was-no, _is_ -the kindest person i’ve ever met. after all, she did raise me and your grandpa back when we were your age. until _she_  got involved.

JAKE: who’s she?

GRANDMASPRITE: someone you don’t have to worry about meeting. anyways, i better get baking. see you later!

JAKE: see you. 

>Are you alright, Jake? 

Yeah, he’s fine. Just a bit shaken up.

>Are you sure?

Yes. 

>You can’t lie to me, Jake.

No, really. He’s fine. See? Nothing to worry about!

>You’re in denial. Come on, you can tell me.

No!

>Tell me the truth.

NO!

You’re so busy arguing with the voice that you barely notice Roxy pestering you.

>Roxy: Try to hit Jake with the package.

You try to gently hit Jake with the purple package. But it’s not very effective. Oh well. Guess you got to wait it out. You are a bit worried though. 

You open up the Gamefags tab to start typing the rest of the walkthrough. But before you can, you stop to check on Jake. Unfortunately, he doesn’t look so hot.

SA: jake? are you alright?  
CP: y-yeah. i’m fi- 

But before he could fully answer, he collapses onto the floor, much to your shock. Luckily, Cal is there to run over and check, but not even that could even ease your worries.

SA: jake? jake!


	20. Chapter 20

Meanwhile, on the other side of Skaia, a young boy was peacefully asleep on his nice, bright bed. His stomach continued on a steady rhythm as he lied in the comfort of the covers. 

In the midst of his sleep, his ears picked up a faint yet somewhat clear voice. It felt like it was calling to him.

>Jake: Sleepwalk.

You slowly drift away from your bed, from your tower, from Prospit until you reach the vastness of space. You continue to do so, unknowingly passing by some planets along the way, including your own. 

As you fly throughout space, you felt a little tingly in some cases only for it to fade a minute later. Going deeper into the depths, you barely pay any mind to the untranslatable echoing words that surround you. You only have one voice to follow and you want to know who it is. 

Once again, your body felt a bit tingly as you enter into your final destination. 

 _???: I’m surprised to see that only my voice had led you here._   _It just goes to show me how determined you really are to finding me._

_???: Sadly, it’s just not time for you and I to reunite. Even though I want to, it would only lead to my sister finding where our friends are. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that I will have to take some drastic actions in order to keep everyone safe. Starting with this one._

??? _: Jake. If you can hear me, even just for a moment....I just want to say...I’m sorry._

All of a sudden, you felt something pierce your chest, even though said feeling didn’t cause you to bleed or anything. In fact, it did nothing at all.

Suddenly, you start to mentally wince for a moment as foreign memories started to pour right into your head. You could practically feel your mind feeling a bit more stuffed than usual. 

The next thing you knew, you are somehow teleported back into your nice, warm bed as if the whole thing never happened.

>Jake?: Wake up.

You slowly open your eyes to find yourself staring at a bright ceiling. Oh god ARE YOU DEAD- wait that’s just how it normally is. At least, that’s what you realize after you tumbled right out of the bed. 

After getting up from your embarrassing moment, you stop to see that someone was pestering you.

Oh crap it’s Dirk. You haven’t talked to him in so long, you even wonder if he’ll recognize you.  

Then the sad and harsh world called reality hits you square in the face. He won’t be able to since you’re using your friend’s body without him noticing and- 

Whew. Calm down. You don’t want him to think that his friend’s gone crazy. Just act like Jake would.

TC: Hey Jake  
TC: I just came to check on you since Roxy has been texting me and Jane all frantically.  
TC: Are you ok?  
CP: yeah, i’m fine! never been better!  
TC: Um....Are you alright Jake?  
TC: You never acted this way towards me before.  
TC: Usually you’ll be all like hey dirk then start asking me about how i’m doing.  
TC: Unless...  
CP: (gulp)  
TC: You’re not really Jake, are you?  
CP: um...!  
TC: ....  
CP: *sigh* YOu CAuGHT ME RED HANDED. I GuESS MY ACTING SKILLS NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE WORK WHEN IT COMES TO CONFRONTATIONS.   
CP: HOW DID YOu KNOW IT WAS ME?  
TC: Eh, it was nothing special.  
TC: When you spend your days alone in a mansion with your dad for as long as I have, you tend to become aware of these sort of things.  
CP: OH. I GuESS YOu WANT ME TO EXPLAIN WHY I’M POSSESSING HIS BODY?  
TC: Nope.  
TC: Apparently, someone else told my future self what really happened to you back at his timeline.  
TC: Knowing you, I can probably bet you already know who it was.  
CP: ....  
CP: CALLIOPE...  
CP: THAT LOW DOWN, ARROGANT LITTLE BRAT! SHE’S BEEN NOTHING BuT A PAIN FOR ALL MY FREAKING LIFE! IF I EVER GET TO SEE HER AGAIN, I’LL-!  
TC: Whoa. Calm down there.  
CP: OH. SORRY. AS YOu CAN TELL, I’VE GOT SOME....”FAMILY ISSuES”.   
TC: It’s okay. I'm just not used to seeing Jake get mad unless it’s a pretty dang good reason.  
TC: Speaking of Jake, does he know about-  
CP: NO. HE DOESN’T. I JuST DON’T WANT YOu GuYS TO GET HuRT.  
TC: Okay. Not trying to be mean but don’t you think you not telling him what’s going on will hurt him more in the long run than him knowing about it right now?  
CP: I...I NEVER THOuGHT OF IT LIKE THAT...  
CP: YOu’RE RIGHT DIRK. I SHOuLD TELL HIM. EVEN THOuGH YOu GuYS WILL GET IN HARM’S WAY IF I DO SO.  
TC: Nope.  
TC: As long as hope is still alive, we’ll make it through the end.  
CP: ARE YOu SuRE THAT IT WILL BE OKAY?  
TC: Well, not to rain down on anyone’s parade, but I'm not completely 100% sure that everything will turn out alright.  
TC: There’ll probably be bumps and bruises and screw ups along the way.  
TC: Heck, we might end up resorting to do some drastic things in order to make things right again.  
TC: But despite everything...  
TC: We’ll probably still end up okay.  
TC: At least that’s what I think.  
CP: WISE WORDS. YOu SOuND LIKE A TRuE HERO OF TIME.  
TC: Me? A hero? Psh..  
TC: You’re looking at the wrong person to be one.  
CP: NAH.  
CP: YOu SEEM LIKE THE RIGHT ONE TO ME.  
TC: Welp, i gotta go to do my quest now.  
TC: Say hi to Roxy for me.  
CP: I WILL.  
TC: Oh, and Cal?  
CP: YEAH?  
TC: .......  
TC: Thanks.

 


	21. Chapter 21

>Dirk: Go out and explore.

As you stare out into the vast world that is your planet, you can hear the faint sound of clocks ticking in your mind.

Trying your best to dissuade the fact that you might be going crazy or at the very least that your dad's grandfather clock is at it again, your fine feathered lookalike (even though he's yourself, you like to treat him as his own person) points out some steam coming from the middle of the forest up ahead past the winding bridge before you. You can even hear the faint ticking coming from there.

Now knowing where to go, you immediately jump off from the roof and do a awesome YOUTH ROLL down into the ground for a safe landing before heading out with your katana at hand.

You have a village to find.


	22. Chapter 22

>Caliborn: Talk.

Okay. You can do this. Just...touch her username and it will all be fine- OH MY GOD SHE TEXTED YOU FIRST!

Okay, calm down. You've talked to her many times before. You *can* do this.

CP: H-HEY THERE ROXY.  
SA: jake? is that you?  
CP: N-NO...IT'S ME. CALIBORN.  
SA: c-cal?!   
CP: HEHEHE....  
SA: oh my god you're alive!  
SA: but wait why are you using jake's account?  
CP: LET ME EXPLAIN.   
CP: I'M..NOT ACTuALLY ALIVE. AFTER I'VE TALKED WITH JAKE, I CONFRONTED WITH MY SISTER BACK AT PROSPIT. IN THE END, SHE WON AND KILLED ME.  
CP: EVER SINCE YOuR SESSION STARTED, I'VE BEEN DEAD THIS WHOLE TIME.   
CP: I WANTED TO HELP MAKE YOuR SESSION BE SuCCESSFuL AS WELL AS DEFEAT MY SISTER BEFORE HER PLANS COME TO FRuITION. WHICH IS WHY I REGRETTABLY DECIDED TO LuRE JAKE AND INSERT A PART OF MY SOuL INTO HIS BODY. AND THE RESuLT OF THAT IS WHAT YOu SEE HERE.  
CP: I JuST DIDN'T WANT YOu, JANE, AND JAKE TO KNOW. WELL, uNTIL DIRK AND I TALKED, AND I REALIZED IT WAS PRETTY SELFISH FOR ME TO MAKE THAT DECISION WITHOuT YOuR CONSENT.  
CP: I HOPE YOu AND EVERYONE ELSE CAN FORGIVE ME. INCLuDING JAKE AS WELL.  
SA: ....pft!  
SA: hahahahaahahaahaha!  
CP: ?  
SA: sorry, sorry! it's not every day to hear jake egbert, of all people, talking in such a elegant way.  
SA: but don't worry, cal! i forgive you!  
GE: me too!  
CP: ! J-JANE?! HOW LONG HAVE YOu BEEN THERE?  
GE: i was here the whole time, my dear caliborn. ;)  
GE: it just took a while for me to respond because i had to deal with all of these monsters.  
GE: but it was very thoughtful of you to think about your actions and do the right thing by talking to us face to face about what has happened to you.  
GE: and i'm pretty sure jake's happy about it too.  
CP: ..!  
GE: cal?  
SA: are you alright?  
CP: DON'T WORRY, I'M FINE. IT'S JuST JAKE WAKING uP.  
CP: HEY. IF HE...IF HE EVER ASKS ABOuT ME, CAN YOu TELL HIM?  
SA: of course we will.  
GE: we'll tell him everything he wants to know.  
SA: just take it easy and we'll be here when he wakes up. well, not here here, but you know what i mean.  
CP: THANK....YOu...


	23. Chapter 23

>Jake: Wake up.

You wake up to find yourself lying on the floor. Huh, since when sleeping on the floor was a thing? And since when your brain felt like it’s a two floored apartment?

>Jake: Look in the chat.

What chat?

....Oh. That chat.

SA: quick, tell us anything that you can remember.  
CP: okay...why?  
GE: we’ll explain once you’re done.  
CP: well, i remember talking to Grandma, then she started to talking about my great grandma meulin...and someone else.  
CP: but soon as i thought about her, i started freaking out.  
CP: then that feeling...turned into anger. i never thought how much i could hate someone until now.  
CP: after that, i blacked out. and i heard someone calling my name...  
CP: ! Cal!  
CP: How is he? Is he okay? If only we were there for him, he wouldn’t be-!  
GE: calm down jake. he’s okay.  
SA: yeah, he told us himself. well, sort of...  
CP: what...do you mean?  
SA: i’ll make sure to tell you later. for now, let’s just focus on getting you to the First Gate.

>Roxy: Deploy the Punch Designix.

SA: alright jake i deployed this machine into your dad’s office.  
SA: i’m not entirely sure what it does, but i think you can use it for coding your captchalogue cards...  
SA: ...jake?

>Jake: Go to the bathroom.

You enter into the bathroom and look out the window. And you don’t like what you see.

NO ONE, and I repeat NO ONE, unless they’re friends or family, can ride upon CHARLIE.

Oh, those sons of guns going to pay for even putting their butts on that saddle. 

CP: they’re going to pay for this.  
SA: okay, at the risk of being insensitive, what is it?  
CP: they’re sitting on _charlie,_ roxy!   
SA: and charlie being...?  
CP: my pogo horse.  
SA: wait...you mean _that_ charlie?  
CP: yep.  
SA: oh, they’re going to pay. 

>Roxy: Drop something heavy on top of one of those imps.

You select the piano, causing the perpetrator's lackeys to run away as you lift up the weighted instrument, and dropped it right on top of the rider. In response, the piano breaks as well as the imp, which just now has been reduced to various pieces of grist spread throughout the ground.

Luckily, the proud steed still lives to bounce another day.

>Jake: Go to the back door.

Alright. You don't see why not- OH SWEET HARLEQUINS WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING HERE?! Hmm..It seems these thieves are taking a liking to the cruxtruder. There's ink and cruxite everywhere.

>Piano: Level up for slaying the imp.

Sadly to say, the brave piano has unfortunately moved on the musical afterlife after forsaking its life so that may others can live.

We now give one second of silence for its sacrifice on the battlefield.

.....

Thank you for your kindness.

>Roxy: It's time to build.

Using the cursor on your screen, you decided to build some stairs and a flat platform for starters.

Let's go see how Jake's doing.

...Oh.

>Roxy: Get Charlie!

You take a step back as you see a familiar face descend near your location.

Heck. yes.

>Jake: Ride on your noble steed and give those imps what for!

You mount onto Charlie and quickly brandish your hammer before effortlessly bouncing your way to victory! Thank goodness your dad took the effort to bring you to a ranch and let you take riding lessons last summer. 

Let’s go see how they would like the triple decker pogo slam OH SHOOT WHY DIDN’T YOU SEE THAT COMING

The next thing you knew, you found yourself knocked out on the floor after getting flung out of your seat by a unexpected cruxite dowel. 

Suddenly, with a burst of energy, you miraculously got back up and proceeded to beat the crap out of them. You then step back to see Roxy drop your refrigerator right in front of you. 

>Refrigerator: Level up for slaying the imp.

The refrigerator rises beyond the ranks of its echeladder to reach to rung NO MORE MISTER ICE GUY and thus gained 250 BOONDOLLARS for such a amazing feat!

>Roxy: Construct loft above Jake's room.

You click on the chimney outside, dragged it out to make another copy, and place it through the right corner of the roof. You repeat this three times to create a loft above it. 

Afterwards, you then select one of the fences out on the balcony and rotated it counter clockwise to make a ladder.

>Jake: Collect some grist and check on the machine.

In a flash, you scooped up all the grist in the room and payed your attention to the PUNCH DESIGNIX before you. It features a counter top station with a KEYBOARD. There's also a big red light that's blinking and a etched DIAGRAM on the panel.

>Look at the back on one of your captchalogue cards.

You filp over the card containing your lucky pogo horse Charlie to see a code. Any time you captchalogued something, a new code appears on the back, but it's hard to decipher what exactly its purpose. Perhaps you can do it now?

>Flip to the back of your hammer card in strife specibus.

Looks like strife cards have codes too.

>Type the code into the Designix. 

You type the code "DQMmJLeK" into the keyboard. The red light switches off. A green light starts to blink.

>Jake: Insert card.

You enter Charile into the machine and watched as the card gets automatically inserted inside. You hear a punch and the card pops back out, except it has holes.

>Jake: Type in n27Un6BI.

Intrigued by the mechanics of this contraption, you type in the next code and proceed to do the same to your hammer card. 

Now you have two cards with two uniquely different hole patterns. Sadly, you can't receive your items once they have been punched, but at least you got your pda back and-

SA: jake take a step back

SA: i'ma about to go all kool aid man and break the wall using your bathtub

Huh? Bathtub? What bath-

Suddenly, a loud crash echoed throughout the study as you found your bathtub thrown straight through the window and create a gaping hole on the wall. Grist fall into the floor from where it landed. 

Oh. So that's what she meant.


	24. Chapter 24

>Jake: Look out from the hole.

You peek out to see some stairs that lead to your balcony. At least you've got a shortcut. 

>Jake: Collect grist, move safe.

You ever so carefully collect all the grist you've found thus far before bringing your attention to said object. Armed with the knowledge of playing tons of Zelda games, you go over and push the safe over to where the punch designix is. You could feel your mangrit increasing by a large amount.

When you look back, you stop to see yet another card written by your captive father typed onto the wall. 

SON. IF YOU'RE READING THIS, THEN IT MEANS THAT YOU WERE STRONG TO MOVE THE SAFE. YOU ARE NOW A MAN. AS SUCH, YOU ARE ENTITLED TO WHAT IS INSIDE. I KNOW THAT YOU WILL TAKE THIS RESPONSIBILITY SERIOUSLY. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

>Jake: Flip to the back.

On the back of it, you see three listed numbers.

02-49-13.

Curious to find out what in fact is inside this thing, you repeat the following code. 

With a soft yet echoing creek, you silently gasp to see yet another copy of COLONEL SASSACRE's, expect this one seems to be...older than the one you have.

....You better captchalogue this one for safe keeping.

Alongside the vintage and faded copy, you see another book and a series of newspaper clippings. Apparently they're all about meteors.

>Jake: Look at the back of the captchalogue card underneath your feet.

Huh. Looks like they're all zeroes. Makes sense, since this is an empty card. 

>Jake: Take the card.

You take the card, adding yet another one to your sylladex.

>Jake: Enter the code into the machine.

You enter the code and watch the designix work its magic. In response, your fetch modus has been changed from Stack to Queue. 

>Jake: Captchalogue punched captchalogue card. 

You proceed to captchalouge the card, consequently sending your PDA flying from the hole. But before you could say goodbye to your father's electronic device, you stop to see the cursor swiftly catch the flying object within a few minutes.

You let out a sigh of relief before taking the PDA, launching the book through the wall and hit an imp who unfortunately got squashed by the impact.

You then proceed to mentally scream in frustration. 

>Jake: Level up!

Fortunately, this event has sent you flying through the ranks of your echeladder to PESKY URCHIN! You even got a new feather to show off your new status.

>Colonel Sassarce: Level up.

The Colonel soars through his echeladder reaching the rung IMP SLAYER and gains 300 BOONDOLLARS. A tip of the hat to you, my good man.

>Bathtub: Level up as well.

The bathtub takes a hop, skip, and jump straight through the echeladder, all the way to rung GENERAL ELECTRO-STRIKER, and gains 10000 BOONDOLLARS in result.

>Jake: Go up the stairs.

You’re not sure if these stairs are safe. But you can’t help but try. You lad scamper the way up the stairs, only to stumble and find yourself literally stuck in between them. 

Thankfully, you found a way to get up and safely get to your room to see your punched cards on the floor and a bunch of cruxite dowels.

How convenient.

>Jake: Carve a totem for your punched pogo card.

You insert the card and the dowel into the machine, thus carving a totem for that card respectably.

You then began to do the same for the punched captchalogue card and the hammer card as well. 

>Roxy: Collect totems. 

You stash them into the ATHENEUM.

>Roxy: Produce captchalogue card. 

You take the normal totem and place it into the Alchemiter, creating one card. 

The Alchemiter requires one unit of any kind grist to produce one card each. Armed with that knowledge, you produce a couple more using some Shale.

After that, you place them near Jake, who’s so excited to get them.

CP: whoa roxy! did you make all of these?  
SA: yep!  
CP: that’s so cool! what happened to the other totems?  
SA: oh i stored them into this atheneum thing and decided to test them out a bit.  
CP: alright. keep up with the good work!  
SA: got it!

>Roxy: Do your magic. 

You make a HAMMER at the expanse of 2 build grist. You also made Charlie too. Minus 5 grist, 2 shale.

>Jake: Collect cards.

Using your quick wit, you grabbed THE HERO’S JOURNEY, then the cards, then your ejected PDA, then last but least you take the book again to bring out the cards to your deck.

Nice work!

>Jake: Turn on detect collisions.

You flip both fetch modi to see no such option.

>Jake: Read the book. Become the hero.

To be honest, you don’t understand the whole story yet, but you will in time. What does interest you though is the concept of merging weapons. 

Actually....that gave you an idea.

You combine the pogo and hammer card together, filling the holes. Then you insert the two into the slot and create a totem for it.

>Jake: Head to the balcony.

You replace the totems and watch in awe as a new weapon was made. Lying on the surface of the alchemiter was a giant hammer with a light blue handle and a little mini Charlie on top.

You now have the POGO HAMMER.

You began to swing the hammer, learning to it boing in response. 

SA: whoa, did you make that?  
CP: yep! i’ve combined Charlie and my old hammer by stacking the cards together to create it!   
SA: that’s some genius level smarts there.  
CP: heck yeah it is! thanks Hero’s Journey! 

>Jake: Test it out on that imp over there.

You get a rhythmic combo before jumping and slaying the heck of it. You and Charlie are catapulted skyhigh in the process.

As you fall from the rebound, the next thing you know is that you’re lying on top of your bed, safe and sound.

CP: nice catch!  
SA: thanks! can’t have one of my friends die by launching themselves by accident.  
SA: oh gosh i could see the headlines now  
SA: LOCAL BOY FOUND LYING IN THE WATER WITH HAMMER IN HAND. is he alive? find out when we come in  
CP: yeah...thsnk goodness that didn’t happen...ugh...  
SA: hey what’s wrong  
CP: it’s nothing. i’m just tired, that’s all.   
CP: hey. do you mind if you could protect me while i catch some zs?  
CP: i haven’t slept at all since i blacked out.  
SA: you can count on me jake.  
SA: no grimy imp is going to hurt you as long as i’m here.  
CP: thx roxy...


	25. Chapter 25

When you open your eyes, you woke up to find yourself in a white void, two colors swirling underneath your feet. One was light blue, the other was lime green? 

Suddenly, you felt a light tap on your shoulder. When you turn around, you froze to see a slightly scary yet friendly face.  

JAKE: caliborn?

CALIBORN: IT’S NICE TO SEE YOu. WELL, FACE TO FACE, THAT IS.

JAKE: speaking of that...where are we?

CALIBORN: I’M NOT REALLY SuRE. BuT I BELIEVE WE’RE IN SOME SORT OF MINDSCAPE. _YOuR_ MINDSCAPE, THAT IS.

JAKE: oh. huh. i never expected it to be so... _big_. wait. if...if this is _my_ mind...and you’re here...

JAKE: ....then..

JAKE: are...are you....?

CALIBORN: ...

JAKE: ...heh...t-this...this is a joke, right?

JAKE: you... _you can’t be..._

JAKE: this...this has to be a dream!

JAKE: yeah, that’s it! i’ll just wake up and everything will be fine!

CALIBORN: JAKE...

JAKE: we’ll meet each other...

CALIBORN: JAKE....

JAKE: talk about stuff...

JAKE: eat gushers until we get sick...

JAKE: it will be like the whole thing never really happened-

CALIBORN: JAKE!

CALIBORN: IT’S OKAY. YOu DON’T HAVE TO KEEP HIDING YOuR FEELINGS LIKE THIS. 

CALIBORN: TRuST ME. YOu’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAK DOWN WHENEVER THEY FIND OuT THAT ONE OF THEIR FRIENDS OR THEY THEMSELVES ARE DEAD. YOu’RE NOT GOING TO BE THE FIRST ONE EITHER. 

CALIBORN: THE POINT THAT I’M TRYING TO MAKE IS THAT YES, THIS IS REAL. IT’S NOT SOME KIND OF WEBCOMIC OR SOME HAND WRITTEN FANFIC THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE HAPPY AND NOTHING WILL EVER GO WRONG. 

CALIBORN: IT’S OKAY TO CRY. YELL, SCREAM, DO WHATEVER! JuST AS LONG AS YOu LET IT OuT INSTEAD OF HOLDING IT IN.

JAKE: .....

CALIBORN: C’MON. YOu CAN’T KEEP THESE ARMS WAITING, Y’KNOW. 

JAKE: hgh...

CALIBORN: THERE, THERE. JuST LET IT OuT. I’M RIGHT HERE. 

CALIBORN: I’M ALWAYS HERE.

>Jake: Wake up.

You suddenly wake up on your bed with tears in your eyes. And by the looks of everything else, you see two towering Crude Orges in front of you. 

Huh, I guess they don’t know a thing about personal space. What jerks!

>Jake: Quick! Abscond! 

No. As much as you would want to, deep down you know that you can’t. Right here, right now you’re going to have a rooftop battle and there’s nothing you can do. 

where doing it man WHERE MAKING IT HAPEN


	26. Chapter 26

>Jake: Start being the other guy.

You are now the other guy. Even though you’re not so sure what that even means anyway.

DIRK: Stop.

DIRKSPRITE: What is it?

DIRK: My SBAHJ vibes are tingling. Like the really bad kind. Or maybe it’s because I’m cold. 

DIRKSPRITE: Didn’t you left your coat back at the-

DIRK: You mean this one?

DIRKSPRITE: ...Oh. Nevermind then. Anyways...

DIRKSPRITE: Welcome to the Land of Rhythm and Clockwork.

>Dirk: Observe.

Standing over you is a huge village that looks more like a city that came out of some kind of steampunk fantasy. And the natives there are...seagulls? Once you step inside, one of the feathered consorts noticed your arrival. 

>Seagull: Greet the Maid.

SEAGULL: Welcome valiant Maid!

DIRK: Wait, are you talking to me? 

SEAGULL: Of course! You’re the one true Maid of Time that we have searching for! Come, I’ll explain along the way.

DIRK: Alright then...

SEAGULL: Oh please! Call me Sebastian!

DIRK: Alright Sebastian, lead the way.

The three of you explore through the vast town of birds while they stop to wave at you as you pass them by. And of course you don't want to be rude, so you wave back. 

DIRK: Wow. To be honest, I don't know how to handle this kind of attention. 

SEBASTIAN: That's understandable. For you see, o wise one, our people have been passing down legends about you and your fellow companions ever since we were just a humble village.

SEBASTIAN: And all because of this stone.

You look in front of you to see writing etching deeply in the surface. Despite its age, you can still read it.

' _Soon, you will be visited by a stranger. A boy who wears the symbol of lilacs and is born with a inner flame. Treat him well, for He will be the savior who will bring back knowledge from the fiery depths below.'_

DIRK: Wait, when they said fiery depths, do they mean...?

DIRKSPRITE: Yep. 100% Lava.

DIRKSPRITE: Are you sure you're up to it?

DIRK: ....

SEBASTIAN: ....

DIRKSPRITE: ....

DIRK: Well, that's one thing to scratch off my bucket list. When do I start?

SEBASTIAN: Excellent! First, we have to get you some lava proof potion first. We don't want our hero to die by swimming in recklessly. Think of the headlines!

DIRK: Those are wise words, Seb. I better thank you guys ahead of time for looking out for me.

SEBASTIAN: Oh, there's no need! We'll do anything for our future gods!

DIRK: Okay, I don’t need _that_ much help. You guys can worry about yourselves first. 

DIRK: But thanks.


	27. Chapter 27

You are now the Soulful Wanderer.

>SW: Retrieve ar-

Already got them.

>SW: Examine the panel in front of you.

Looks like Jake is in a bit of a pickle.

>SW: Encourage the Heir.

Before you could even press any of the keys, you stop to feel a rumble coming from underneath and looked out the window to see your base has begun to launch through the sky. Its destination is a bit unclear, but you can see the faint image of a temple up ahead.

 

Meanwhile, on the surface...

A PERSEVERING DRIFTER is shifting through the sands with a parcel by her side. Inside, a letter, a package, and a sword. Over at the distance, above ground, a bright light is in the sky.


	28. ACT 3: Of Dogs and Stairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some thinking, I have decided to rewrite Act 3. As I went through the act, I’ve realized that this is basically just me filling the blanks of the original comic, which goes the complete opposite way from what I’ve somewhat planned.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy the new new chapters.
> 
> Thanks.

Dear Jake,

By the time you'll be reading this, I'll be gone. I know that sounds impossible to you. Me being the strong, wise old woman that I am. But sadly, we all eventually find ourselves at the end of their rope, and now I've reached mine. 

I'm sorry for not being able to give this to you during the times I was alive, but that's the thing about life. When one door opens, another one shuts. Unbeknownst to you, my last day on this earth will be your first step to the fate that you and your friends are so destined to have.

Deep into the land of queens and kings, you'll be thrusted into such a vast world where you will meet welcoming consorts, colorful carapacians, all-knowing denizens, and all sorts of other things that await you the moment you press enter. 

I can't wait to be by your side once you do. Until then, stay strong! And don't forget to brush your teeth! 

Love, 

Grandma.


	29. Chapter 29

A young girl is busy watering her plants in her greenhouse at the lower levels of her house. Not wanting to interrupt, you decide to leave until you stop once she noticed your presence.

And by the way she’s looking, it seems like she’s waiting ever so patiently for you to enter her name.

>Enter name.

Whoa there! You don’t have to enter her whole name. You already know half of it.

JANE _

You’re almost there....

JANE HARLEY

There you go! You deserve a pat on the back and a gold star!

As it was stated numerous times, your name is and always will be JANE. Judging by your OUTFIT, the temperature outside is WARM and SUNNY, the perfect kind of weather to WATER YOUR PLANTS. Besides said hobby, you also have a number of INTERESTS, but you’re mainly in love with ANIMATION and PHOTOGRAPHY. Like WAKFU, or better yet, AVATAR.

>Avatar? You mean the movie with the blue people, right?

No no no! Not that Avatar.

You mean the western animated yet anime-esque old cartoon you’ve watched back when Nickelodeon was cool, Avatar the Last Airbender. A:TLA for short.

You loved everything about it! The world building, the amazing characters, the action scenes! If there was an assignment to write a one page essay on why you love it so much, you would probably end using more than one.

>Jane: Try to lift that pot of flower over there. Master Earthbending. Become the Avatar.

You reach out your hand and try with all your might to lift or at least move the plant.

Come on.....Almost.....

After struggling for hours, you stop before sighing in defeat knowing that you can’t become the Avatar. Let alone master earthbending.

>Jane: Look at the pumpkin.

You turn around to see no pumpkin in sight, even though you could’ve sworn there was one behind you. Ugh...that’s the third one this week and-oh my god you just remembered it’s time to feed Bec!

Oh, the poor thing must be starving by now! You better hurry before you find yourself a dog shaped skeleton.

>Jane: Exit the room.

You go to the center of the GARDEN ATRIUM, where a stairwell joins the three ATRIUM WINGS.

Upstairs lies your grandpa’s LABORATORY as well as your BEDROOM.

>Jane: Use the transportalizer.

Oh nuh uh. You’re not using that thing. Your Grandpa gave you some very specific instructions (and by that, you mean a note) to only use them for emergencies.

And besides, you’ll need the exercise.

>Jane: Quick, captchalogue one of your pumpkins before you go!

Good idea! It’s best to keep it by your side so it won’t have the same fate of its fruit brethren.

You take out your camera and snap a picture of the pumpkin, automatically inserting into a new card. The picture inside it starts to clear up until you can fully see the freshly cut pumpkin in its pumpkin-like glory. 


	30. Chapter 30

>Jane: Go upstairs.

Upon entering your room, you captchalogue your spare window. To be honest, you’re not sure why you have these spare windows in your room, but you have a feeling that they might be useful one day.

>Jane: Take out your cookalizer and refrigerator.

Your cookalizer and refrigerator are in your GADGET CHEST.

>Jane: Open chest.

Amongst the many PRANKING, FORTUNE TELLING, and OTHER COOL STUFF you have in your chest, you have these special items: a COUPLE (~) OF,BLOOD CAPSULES, a MYSTICAL CUE BALL, a ACTUAL SWORD, and a ONE IN A LIFETIME EDITION of TROUBLE DETECTIVE.

Amongst the COOL GIZMOS you have in your chest, you also have your PORTABLE COMPUTER via LUNCHBOX, one COOKALIZER, and one REFRIGERATOR. Oh, and a SPARE FLARE GUN!

For some reason...

>Jane: Examine flare gun.

Hmm...By just looking at it, you can see that it’s pretty old. And there’s even a faint inscription of some initials melded into the handle. You can barely even read it.

You‘re not really sure who this belongs to, but you keep it safe in your syalldex from now.

>Jane: Allocate it into your strife specibus.

You already got it allocated with BOWKIND.

>Jane: Look out window.

You take a breath of fresh air as you peek your head out of the window to see the volcano nearby.

To be honest, you’re not so sure why it’s there. It’s been dormant for as long as you remember. All you do know is that your grandpa used geothermal energy to draw power from it in order to have electricity.

You smile as you remember the old days where your grandpa would take you to the top of your tower and just lie there, watching the clouds go by.

Nowadays, you still go up there from time to time just lying still and feel the breeze, despite the fact that it hurts spending your days alone like this.

Well, besides Bec, but still!

>Jane: Examine Magic Cueball.

It says that the MAGIC CUEBALL can make amazingly accurate and precise predictions, even though you can’t see said readings unless you focus really hard.

>Jane: Get to cooking already!

Oh blast it, you almost forgot Bec again! You really need to stop getting so distracted!

You take the COOKALIZER, the REFRIGERATOR, and your LUNCHTOP.

>Jane: Feed Bec.

You deploy the two devices onto the table. You look at the refrigerator’s circular screen.

>Jane: Touch the steak button.

You select the steak option on the screen, which prompts a T-BONE STEAK to pop up in front of you.

You then go over to the refrigerator, which has four options to choose from. Thaw, Cook, Irradiate, and Nuclear.

>Jane: Turn it to Irradiate.

You twist the knob to Irradiate. He does like his steak glowing green.

After that, you captchalogue it to your syalldex for the trip outside.

>Jane: Examine bass.

Oh, this old thing? Your grandpa gave this you back when you were little. He did promised you to give you lessons, but you never got them.

Fortunately, he’d left you some music sheets for you to casually play.

>Jane: Play a hauntingly calming bassline.

With your hands eager to play, you lightly press your fingers onto the strings and play a [pretty good tune.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fkmxRiQZdb4)

You also captchalogue the bass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music: Crystalguitarthemums (from Land of Fans and Music 2) by Erik "Jit" Scheele.


	31. Chapter 31

>Jane: Open lunchtop.

You gently hop onto your bed with your lunchtop by your side. You sat down cross legged as you open up the bad boy up and place your hands into the holographic keyboard.

In front of you is a holographic screen showing your wallpaper along with your Cetus browser and the Pesterlog app, which is currently activated.

Upon your arrival, you stop to see a familiar face. Or rather, username.

philantrophicalEmpathist [PE] started trolling gutsyExplorer [GE].

PE: Hello Again Jane  
GE: oh hey kanaya!   
GE: today's the day, isn't it?  
PE: Yes Indeed It Is  
PE: The Day Where Everything Changes  
GE: oh my gosh i'm so excited! this is going to be great! when is it going to happen?   
PE: Calm Down There  
PE: It's Not Time Yet  
GE: well, when will be time?  
PE: Just Have Patience   
PE: You'll Know When It Comes  
PE: Anyways  
PE: Are You Ready For When It Does  
GE: what...why are you asking that question for? of course i'm ready. why would I not be?  
PE: I Know That You're Ready As Much As The Next Person  
PE: But Are You Ready  
GE: what do you mean?  
PE: I Mean In Your Heart  
GE: .....  
GE: no...no i'm not.   
GE: don't get me wrong. all of my life, i  _knew_ that this was going to happen. i knew that this event has been laying down on us ever since we're born.   
GE: i've always tried to psych myself up about it, only to end up being a emotional wreck about it.  
GE: i mean, i'm the only one who knows everything. everything that's going to happen and will happen once it starts.   
GE: that we're going to suffer and i can't do a thing about it...like we're all just a bunch of characters in some weird alternate reality! and the worse thing is I have to grin and bear with it for the rest of my life.  
GE: i...i don't want to die.... I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO DIE!  I WANT YOU TO BE SAFE! I WANT JAKE TO BE SAFE! AND DIRK AND ROXY AND CALIBORN AND GAMZEE AND TAVROS AND SOLLUX AND ARADIA AND NEPETA AND VRISKA AND TEREZI AND FEFERI AND ERIDAN AND EQUIUS AND KARKAT-!  
PE: Listen To Me Jane  
PE: Everything Is Going To Be Okay  
PE: Things May Turn Out Rough But It'll Become Fine In The End  
GE: h-how do you could be so certain?  
PE: I'm Not But That's Just How Life Is Full Of Unexpected Twists And Turns  
PE: The Only Advice I Can Give You Is This  
PE: Whenever Something Bad Happens Just Stand Up And Walk  
PE: Even If You Fall Down A Couple Times Or You're Hurt To The Point Where Everything Is Hazy And Dark   
PE: Keep On Walking  
PE: And Your Friends Will Be Right There When You Reach The End  
GE: ....thanks kanaya.   
GE: i...i needed that.  
PE: Of Course After All You And The Others Would Have Done The Same Thing For Me  
GE: alright. i gotta go feed bec! bye!   
PE: See You Later

philantrophicalEmpathist [PE] ceased trolling gutsyExplorer [GE].

Alright. Let's get down to business.

>Jane: Descend.

As you get ready to face the unknown, you can't help but wonder how Jake is doing. 


	32. Chapter 32

You are now Jake Egbert and you’re officially screwed.

As you flinch from being beaten by the Colonel and getting all tangled up by your own swing before finding yourself flung over the platform, you realize that this fight is completely unfair.

How can the game except you to beat two giant imps? You’re only just one person.

Fortunately for you, you find yourself landing softly on your bed before getting rejuvenated by your Grandma.

Filled with energy, you began to jump back into the fray.

You then looked up to see a cursor drop your refrigerator towards the other imp, only for your smile to fade once it caught the appliance and bashed you so fast, you ended up flying once again.

This time, you end up finding yourself inside a oven before getting launched out of it from above ground.

With a roaring cry, you land with a resounding whack, penetrating its thick skin before launching yourself again.

Meanwhile, Grandmasprite decides to take a stab at it and began plummeting the massive beast with appliances coming out of her lasers.

At the same time, Roxy turns the alchemiter over to your way as you land on the surface and take a rebound, hurling down and doing the final blow.

The right imp screeches in pain before exploding into a huge amount of grist, the Colonel Sassacre book on the ground.

You then stop to see the other imp about to throw the swing set before wincing in pain while Grandma Jade fires a cookie laser from out of her oven.

You take this opportunity to make a final swing before moving back once the alchemiter collided with its body, squashing it completely until it’s nothing but grist.

With the beast finally slain, you began to dance in a celebratory fashion.


	33. Chapter 33

Also in the future, but not simultaneously...

The prospitian halts to see a grey metal butterfly on the ground. Upon entry, she then goes inside, where yet another command panel is found.

Knowing what to do, she types into the keyboard.

>HOME.

Suddenly, a loud rumble echoes throughout the area as the butterfly soon takes off, sending her to her destination.


	34. Chapter 34

>Jake: High five Grandma.

You kept her hanging long enough.

>Jake: Go up on that echeladder!

You blast through your ECHELADDER to the rung BLOOD KNIGHT! You gain a new feather in result.

>Jake: Jump in into your money bin like Scrooge Mcduck.

You take a dive along side your piggy bank as the two of you rejoice in the bath of boondollars raining from your echeladder.

>Jake: Collect all the spoils. All of it.

You proceed to collect almost all of your grist, thus expanding your GRIST LIMIT.

You now have 2260 BUILD GRIST, 1040 SHALE, 490 drops of TAR, and 350 drops of MERCURY.

You can’t wait to see what all sorts of stuff you can make from this.

Speaking of which, you still have some grist left over. Including that giant Grape Gusher stuck in that hole over there. Those monstrous buggers are just full of them. Like a bunch of bumbling piñatas.

GRANDMASPRITE: don’t forget your book, jake! it’s your birthright!  
JAKE: oh! thanks!  
GRANDMASPRITE: you’re welcome!

Elsewhere, in the luminous planet of Derse...

A peculiar man wearing a suit is having a bit of scuffle with some imps. One got cake in the face, another got some shaving cream on top of its hat. The third one whimpers as it punched in the face, flying straight through the wall, the fedora and jacket drifting into the wind.

In a room, a solitary carapace is watching the scene in action. He then looks over to see Jake celebrating his success.

He frowns at the sight of them.

_Graveyard stuffers._


	35. Chapter 35

You are now the Persevering Drifter.

You are flying eastward to a location that you’re currently not aware of. You still have your bearings, but the door to the elevator has been closed shut ever since you lifted off.

>PD: Look at the terminal.

You observe the screen before you. Here lies a series of commands you have previously typed in, with Home being the current one.

>PD: Type in >VIEW.

You do so, choosing the viewpoint of a young girl wielding a bow and some arrows strapped behind her back in the middle of some hazy mist.

By the look of the screen flickering, you deduce that there’s some kind of interference.

The girl, however, is very familiar to you.

>Greetings.

In response to your text, the young girl stops to see you.

>Have we met somewhere before?

But before she could even respond, you stop to see a imp coming from behind her.

>Look behind you!

She then turns around and quickly launches an arrow towards it. Said arrow pierces its head before it fades away into little grist pieces.

Score!

>Jake: Take the welded piece of grist.

Okay. Deep breaths.

3...2..1! GO!

You jump down, getting the grist as you fall through the hole.

>Jane: Go into the foyer.

You go inside the foyer, but your Grandpa simply called it the living room.

Luckily, your grandfather put all of his stuff in the upper level, otherwise it would be really hard to navigate without sinking into his heirlooms.

Speaking of Grandpa, you’ve always wondered what he looked like when he was your age. But then again, the only evidence of young Johnathan Harley during his more exciting years is the pictures he has on top of the fireplace alongside the portrait above them.

>Jane: Observe pictures.

On top of the blazing fire below is three pictures. Each of them filled with joy and the kind of feelings that make you warm inside.

You are pretty sure that the young fella in the other family portrait is the same one who owned the flare gun you’ve recently found. How it got there, however, is a complete mystery.

You then began to reminisce about your equally exciting childhood, particularly about the time you’ve discovered a scrapbook inside your grandpa’s lab. In almost all of them were pictures and letters which came from two young kids who lived in a mansion, far away from their home in the Pacific.

There were even pictures and letters coming from a older teen who looked a bit different than the others. You assumed that he was adopted into the family, due to his blonde hair sticking out from the rest of the group.

When she asked him, he just looked at the pictures and letters silently before a big smile grew on his face.

 _“Jane, my dear,”_ He said in his usual mature yet lighthearted tone. _“I just knew you were going to ask.”_

After that, he explained everything to you in a very simple way that even a 5 year old would understand.

You sigh deeply in nostalgia. Grandpa was always the best at telling stories. Not only that, but he also was very good at being one step ahead of you. Even to the point where it was scary at times, often leaving you to speculate that he almost had some sort of sixth sense.

Thinking back, you were quite the little miss detective back then.

But now not’s the time to reminisce. You have a dog to feed!


	36. Chapter 36

Jane: Locate Bec.

Oh, don’t worry. You know exactly where he is. It doesn’t take you that long to find a teleporting white dog like Becquerel running around.

But every time you sense his presence and try to catch him, he always keeps on giving you the slip.

But not this time. This time you’re ready. He may have god like powers, but you have something that he don’t.

Steak.

>Jane: Go and retrieve that package that you excepted to arrive soon.

As you walk over at the hill, you spot the package that you had expected from Jake a month ago. Yet according to your knowledge, it’s actually on time.

Its location is over there near that crumbling monument.

>Jake: Do a triple somersault and land safely.

You do all that and stick the landing into your DAD’s ROOM. But where are the clowns?

You look beside you to see DAD’s BRIEFCASE, which contained various forms and papers to verify his duties as a street performer.

>Jake: Snoop.

You decide to become the detective you aspire to be and snoop around his briefcase.

Hold on. These are just a bunch of documents and other kinds of boring stuff.

Actually when you think about it....everything around here is completely normal!

>Jake: React accordingly.

So after all this time, after hilarious embarrassment after embarrassment, he was actually a businessman? You did not see that coming at all. But at the same time, you already figured it out from the very beginning. Just the thought of him working day and night just to raise you into the man you are now makes total sense, but you still wonder why he didn’t tell you sooner.

Maybe he was embarrassed? Or perhaps he knew something was bothering you and decided to collect that clown stuff just to make you happy?

You began to wonder why. Why would he do that, even though you never liked that kind of stuff in the first place? Then it hit you.

Since when did you write on your own bedroom walls?


	37. iNTERMISSION

Meanwhile, in a faraway mansion, a black carapacian was about to sneak into a empty green room.

->???: Check to see if there’s anyone there.-

Using your skills of stealth, you peek your little eye into the keyhole. No one there. Suddenly, your non existent ears picked up the sound of someone heading towards this way!

Quickly, you go inside without anyone noticing you’re here. Once the footsteps passed on by, you sigh in relief. Time to get some air!

You slowly take off your DARKLY COLORED DISGUISE to reveal YOUR UNIQUELY BRIGHT SKIN.

->Reader: React extremely at this mind blowing moment.-

Gasp! He was a prospitian this whole time?

WHAT A PLOT TWIST!

But seriously. He is a prospitian. What did you think he was? A Dersite?

->Introduce yourself.-

Gladly.

Your name is SPADES. SLEUTH SPADES, to be exact. You are the DE-FACTO LEADER of the MIDDAY CREW, a specialized group of prospitians made by the WHITE QUEEN HERSELF.

Your mission thus far is to investigate LADY ENGLISH’s SECRET VAULT, find out whatever scheming plan THE FELT is up to, and put a stop to it before it starts.

The WHITE QUEEN is pretty merciful, but the WHITE KING also gave you orders to end the shady bunch of leprechauns and their leader. For good.

To be honest with you, you rather like to follow the Queen’s orders instead.

Anyways, your fellow members ACE DIRK and PROFESSOR CLUBS are in separate locations at the time, but luckily you have these WALKIE TALKIES to communicate.

->Spades: Look at those clocks over there.-

You stop to examine the clocks before you. They look very nice. You do wish that Lady English should’ve chose a better color than green.

->Great, now smash them!-

No! Of all things you would like to do with them, you would never smash any of these clocks!

Yet...[it beckons](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=001916).

->Fine...At least make a fort of them.-

You gladly made a clock fort. All you need is a big sheet to cover it up and you’re be all set.

Psyche! 

You would never do anything like that. Now while you’re on a mission. On a mission every moment is priceless-

Oh look, some candy corn! You joyfully stuff the CANDY CORN inside your hat. You will never know when you might need it.

->SS: Check under the rug for any elaborate traps.-

You kneeled down and lifted up the rug. Luckily, you don’t see any traps, but you do see a picture of a human. You’re not really sure how or why they have this, so you just put it back where you found it.

->SS: Play poker.-

Unfortunately, you’ll need a DECK OF CARDS in order to play that. Fortunately you have your WAR CHEST, which you deploy gently onto the floor.

->Open war chest.-

You give the chest a slight creek, not wanting to alert anyone that you were here.

->Examine chest.-

It’s nothing much. Just a bunch of guns, case files, playing cards, and other stuff.

->SS: Start up the Mike-top.-

Oh, so that’s what this is. You had this for a while now, and you don’t remember exactly how you got this computer in the first place, but at least you know the identity of this intelligent young man.

->SS: Open MSPaintAdventures.com.-

You diligently reopen one of your files to see there was a new update on this recent webcomic you’ve been reading ever since you’ve stumbled upon it during one of your day offs from your job.

Now it’s one of your favorite hobbies to do to pass the time.

Suddenly, you stop to hear someone slowly coming towards the door. In a flash, you quickly put your stuff away and reequip your gun, ready for a slinging showdown.

With the gun in hand, you slam the door open and aim directly at the-

Wait. There’s no one here.

->Look behind you!-

You stop to see a green looking fellow with a red hat by the name of Fin right behind you. You looked back to see Trace who lived up to his name and traced you back to this location.

->Quick, use a aversion!-

Look over there! A flying clock!

Much to your surprise, they looked, giving you a chance to hightail it outta there. You continued to run, watching as the two choked on your dust. Heh. This mission was easier than you thought-

All of a sudden, you collided with someone else, causing you and them to fall at the same time. “Hey!” You cried. “Watch where you were going-“

You then stop to look up to see a towering, green man. It was Cans. A crooked smile grew on his face before he walloped you right in the kisser.

As the footsteps came closer, your vision started to fade. Until you couldn’t see anything at all.


End file.
